to note.

2010-08-16T12:11:00.000-07:00

today's note:

should we stay or should we go?

a vice president of something at my chase branch gave me some sound advice about how to know if one should stay at a job or not, but i think it can be used in any situation.

here are the 3 criteria. if at least 2 apply, you should stay. if not, you should go.

1. you enjoy yourself.
2. you learn something.
3. it takes you closer towards your goals.

2010-07-30T20:44:00.000-07:00

today's note:

i've been thinking about how people can come into your life and have a huge role and then something happens and they leave you as if they were never in your life at all. and though i understand that the nature of the universe is impermanent, i am still learning how to accept this. to me, it makes me question why they even came into my life. but i don't always have the answers and i can't always see the point because of my limited wisdom. so i just miss him or her, hope for the best for that person, and then move along through the moments that continue to make up my life.

2010-07-23T11:12:00.001-07:00

today's note:

how to dress with just 6 pieces (women)

2010-07-20T21:08:00.000-07:00

today's note:

"patience is an understanding. an understanding that transcends the 'limitations' of the moment...patience is a kind of trust. a trust that does its part and holds the rest lightly in an open palm...and patience is a kind of acceptance. an acceptance that allows for doubt...patience is a kind of love. a love that is its own explanation in bewildered circumstance." - Pavithra Mehta

2010-06-17T21:39:00.000-07:00

#2: talking to someone

there's always been tension with this person. it doesn't help that we're both sensitive. and doesn't help that she's often passive-aggressive and i can be as well. today i had to talk to her, and i could have emailed her. but i wanted to be courteous and to me, asking in person was better.

i waited. for the right moment. the perfect time.

and then it presented itself. and i asked. and she didn't last out at me. and she was courteous and nice about it.

and then i felt lighter and the fear dissolved.

2010-06-15T21:51:00.000-07:00

#1: today's fear: handing over an envelope.

my dissatisfaction had been building up and for most of my time at my current job. sometime last month, i had this dream that startled me and left me ready to truly do something. finally last week saw action--i finally told my supervisor where i was and what i had been dealing with; she surprised me by telling me that she wanted to keep me if she could but she would have to talk to the uppers. on monday, she told me there were no other options. so today i wrote my letter and sealed it in an envelope in the morning. that envelope sat on my desk for hours as i worked on other projects. it was time to leave and i sat. and sat. staring at the envelope. i asked for support from a friend, even though i knew what i was supposed to do. i was just frozen in fear.

finally, and i have no idea what changed in me, i asked to meet with her. i sat down and told her that i had made a decision and handed her the envelope.

and then i was free.

2010-03-29T11:36:00.000-07:00

"stress is just a fearful reaction to life's changes."

birthmonth has been well, even if i got sick during my birthday. pizza and hockey game (times 2), wine-tasting, resort stay, sitting by the pool, cards, presents, well wishes, flowers. chill but superb!

my brother thien returns to the country today. what is in store for us!?

2010-02-21T20:48:00.000-08:00

post-"valentine's day" blog.

i just watched "valentine's day" and it was okay. my favorite story was julia roberts'! but all those relationships and stories have led me to want to share the following.

i'm really annoyed with myself when i start to freak out and jump to conclusions when someone in my life doesn't respond to my efforts of communication. it could be a friend, a family member, or someone that i'm romantically involved with -- whoever is involved, the quiet stresses me out and i start to piece together what could have happened. i think, "maybe i did something to make them upset" and then i scan my memory for every detail! or i'll worry about if something bad happened if i haven't heard from him/her. then when i find out that it was nothing, the anti-climatic nature upsets me. it's probably just my ego flaring up because all my concern was wasted on fabrications in my head.

does this happen to anyone else? leave me a comment.

"let's get naked."

2010-01-13T21:33:00.000-08:00

i don't know what happens, but sometimes, a wave of heaviness washes down on me without a reason and without an identifiable cause. i can't breathe and i start to weep. it is so powerful that i lose track of everything else in my life. i can discern that it is depression and luckily, it doesn't last for too long. but the lasts few times it's happened, it comes around the time of something bad happening to people i know or a catastrophe for people around the world.

metta for always. metta forever.

ps: happy birthday, violin.

2009-12-29T10:53:00.000-08:00

define yourself.

uyen nguyen/noun/feminine: pisces-aries cusp, boar, daughter, sister, friend. one who is often absorbed in fear, denial, and obligation; whose faith inspires you to believe; whose soul is made up of emotions and music; who is learning to affect her thoughts, feelings, and actions instead of being controlled by them; who has met three soulmates; who finds beauty in fragility and simplicity; who always smiles when she sees flowers; who yearns to express herself genuinely.

2009-11-02T11:38:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday to the November 2nd people in my life!

Here's a quick update on me and my life:

Work is going fine -- we had our annual fundraiser this past Friday and it was successful. I'm also underway at 5 of my school sites.

I have been continuing with yoga and meditation, including a meditation group.

I have been sticking to my "dessert-and-hence-refined-sugar-once-a-week" regime.

I love "Glee."

I am trying to catch up on all of my "Ugly Betty."

I have been writing.

The bff comes into town today!

My brother is doing well as a monk in Thailand! And my other brother is preparing for winter in Japan.

I just wattched, "Once" and have "Milk," "Serendipity," and "Under the Tuscan Sun" left on my queue.

Here's to a beautiful week! Cheers!

2009-10-09T21:21:00.000-07:00

An Organization/Resource that I Love that Needs Help!

I went to a Girls Circle training in December of 2008 and it gave me the strong foundation for how to facilitate a group for young women (which is my job) and people in general -- the basic but unfamiliar idea that each person is the ONLY expert in his/her life and as facilitators, we ask the right questions to help each person answer his/her own questions. No matter how much we tell someone what they should or should not do, this does not empower them or supply them with the tools they need to make their own decisions.

So when I saw that Girls Circle Association needed help, I wanted to help with a donation but also to spread the word. Although this video doesn't explain exactly what they do (you'd have to go to a training or take a look at their manuals/curricula), I have a cameo early on! If you'd like to get more information about the organization, check out Girls Circle.

2009-09-15T18:47:00.000-07:00

to my dearest volleyball,

fifteen years have passed since the fateful day that we met on the tar court of my elementary school and i have to admit, i fell in love with you from the first moment. we got acquainted slowly and we had a good connection, but i didn't think much of it. i was young and i was still looking around: i hung out for a couple of years in junior high school with your enemy tennis. but when i went into high school, i had to choose. when i thought of it, it really came down to love: it was you -- it had always been you. so i dedicated my mind, body, and soul to you, learning and growing alongside you on those gymnasium floors that burned and scarred me. i endured it all with my loyalty and passion in tact.

when i had to take a break, you understood and let me go as i suffered with those AP classes. i wish i hadn't: i was lonely and unhappy without you. my one biggest regret in life to this day was not staying with you my junior and senior year of high school -- i always wonder, had i stayed with you, would we have gotten more serious, could we have made a life together?

as it happened, we came back into each others' lives a couple of years later, when i began college. it was really casual; i wasn't ready to commit to much. i had been away from you for so long, i didn't know what to expect. we were on again, off again and as life happened, we lost touch with each other.

it wasn't until a phase of my life that i like to call my "hedonistic days" that we reunited. oooh! it was so intense and fulfilling and you really made my days more complete! i even introduced you to many of my friends -- i thought, "this might be it."

i don't know why life happens the way it does in terms of timing and misaligned chances but things started to get real bad real quickly. i don't know what i had done to you, but you hurt me. and not just once -- twice! i had never known such pain before: there were times i would lie in bed unable to move, unable to live. i tried to get help but as everything came up short, i soon realized i had to just let time do its healing.

it's been months now since we've last been in touch. i'm sorry that it's been so long. i needed the time and space to clear my mind. here goes.

you were my first and only love. i gave you everything i had. but there are several reasons why i must move on: 1)the pain you caused me still haunts me, 2) i can't trust you, 3) we've grown apart, 3)i'm not growing in our relationship anymore, 4)i get effort migraines when i'm near you, and 5)i'm not happy.

i cherish every moment we've shared -- i would take nothing back. but here is where it ends, volleyball.

good bye.

2009-08-23T21:27:00.000-07:00

say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime

movies i've seen...

"time traveler's wife"

"500 days of summer"

"my blueberry nights"

"harry potter and the half-blood prince"

"sunshine cleaning"

movies to see...

"paper heart"

"the phantom of the opera"

"speak"

"adam"

"pan's labryinth"

i bought a plant and i have some fresh cut irises sitting on my desk. i am so excited to be surrounded by so much life!

summer is coming to a close and i force myself to wear dresses or hold off on putting a sweater on at dusk. i revel in the long days and am doing the most to stay present and enjoy what i have left of summer. in the meantime, i frolic.

2009-08-09T22:33:00.000-07:00

tender scrawls
on love

(1 January 2002)
I gave you my heart
And you took it.
If we shall part,
Please do not discard it.
Because even if we are not
Together
Because we did not last
Forever,
I would still give you my love.

2009-08-01T17:55:00.000-07:00

a very busy july!

between our summer camp, eureka, and my two outreach sites, i hardly had time for much else! but the drama of 52 female students ages 11 - 15 could not deter me from continuing to enjoy my life!

highlights from july:
* my brother tan thien coming home to visit for 1.5 weeks, leaving on july 4th.
* incubus at the hollywood bowl on july 13!
* oc fair for eureka
* celebrating rafa's birthday!
* asking a guy to dance
* dancing ballet folklorico with my students!
* harry potter and the half-blood prince - 2 times!
* kelly clarkson at the pacific ampitheatre! right behind the pit!
* my brother bob coming home for 1.5 weeks, leaving on august 4th.
* giving my card to a guy i'm interested in
* a summer night on the backyard deck with a bottle of wine, apples, chips, good music, and good friends helping me with lesson plans!

happy august! i look forward to vacation and less drama!

2009-07-08T18:54:00.000-07:00

everyone dug so deeply and we were able to quickly raise the amount of money for my brother's plane ticket to thailand -- all of the $1367USD! my brother and our family are overwhelmed with joy and so blessed to have your support!

to: mindy, rafa, efrain, mari, emi, phu, hong, julio, linh, jesse, tim, anne, lisa, michelle, shaun -- thank you for the food, the company, and the support!

to heath, trang, khanh, nipun, zerlina, mimi, varisa, eunice, ngoclan & tri, emi, mom, david -- thank you for your contributions!

tan thien is now in thailand for the rains retreat, his first ever and in his home forest monastery. he is taking it day-by-day and will keep me up-to-date on his plans.

thank you again, everyone!!!

metta,
uyen/nina/jack

2009-06-29T17:18:00.000-07:00

Help a Buddhist Monk Brother Out.

Some of you may know that my oldest brother Thien has been following his spiritual path by traveling to Thailand and even ordaining as a monk. He has been torn between leaving his robes in Thailand or transitioning back to life in the states as a monk or a layperson. He ultimately hopes to continue to build his foundation in the forest monastery that he has been staying at in Thailand. However, there are many challenges, one of them being the ability to fund the logistics of traveling and staying in Thailand.

That's where you can come in. My mother and father have donated $100 USD each. His ticket is about $1230 along with the visa fee of $175. If you can and/or want to please, click the link and send any amount. Or the next time you see me, you could give me a donation. And I promise that I have no need to pocket his money: it would be horrible karma for me to take from my Monk brother! :)

Hope you are well!

2009-06-13T18:28:00.000-07:00

It's alright 'cause I'm saved by the bell...

Last week I was having dinner with a friend and we found out we had both liked "Saved by the Bell." Well, there have been some interesting events happening!

Zack Morris!

If you want to help get the class back together, sign the petition!

2009-06-05T22:01:00.000-07:00

* "becoming jane"
* "the princess bride"

i know i have a bunch of movies loaned out to me, but i haven't been feeling them.

i must tell you that "becoming jane" left me crying! i was supposed to only watch 30 minutes of it last night because i started it at midnight. but, alas, i could not stop! i was wrapped up in the story so much so that when it was finally over and i was finally in bed to sleep (around 2am), i continued to cry: i felt so much sadness. in the morning, when i could no longer sleep though my brain was exhausted, i plowed through some of the scenes while getting ready for work with more tears shed. it reminded me of reading "the time traveler's wife." very moving.

other than that, here's to my super weekend of rest. i like rest. a lot. i like downtime. it keeps me almost sane and serves as a buffer for the work week.

i must have been tired because when i took a shower this evening and rinsed my hair, i forgot to apply shower. that's never happened to me before!

does anyone listen to ben harper? i popped his album "welcome to the cruel world" into my car CD player earlier this week. and was swept off my feet. most of the tracks feel like lullabies to me, songs that make me feel relaxed before falling into a deep slumber. i am <3ing "the three of us" and "forever."

rawr!

2009-05-24T15:24:00.000-07:00

for my viewing pleasure

people have always told me, "what?! you haven't seen that movie?!" with an appalled look on their faces. they've promised to make me lists of films that i should see. but one of my interns is taking it to a whole new level: bringing me different movies every week i see her.

latest movies i've seen:

ps: i love you

my life without me (repeat)

27 dresses

dan in real life

what to watch next:

the lazarus project

the promotion

linewatch

ps: is anyone else shocked that they canceled "samantha who?" and "my name is earl"? :0

2009-05-24T11:15:00.000-07:00

sometimes love comes around

welcome to my newest follower, mle! thank you for being the first!

update: making the most out of what's going on. being positive. keeping myself healthy. maintaining my important relationships. creating. doing yoga. taking walks. eating at home more.

learning to let go. interpreting dreams less as inner desires and more as key lessons to learn. forgiving. keeping my eyes on the future and staying present.

i miss my brothers. my bff. my rocks. my friends scattered all over the country and world.

hope everyone is well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FF5Q1jr28PM

and knocks you down

2009-04-03T21:30:00.000-07:00

sun diego fun

last weekend, i went down with some friends (thank you, Lisa, Hong, and Rafa for the trek) to join doni to do some more birthday celebrations! the day included lunch at studio diner; hanging around mission beach; grocery shopping; watching "the incredible hulk" featuring my soon-to-be husband edward norton jr.; dancing and hanging out at a bar/lounge with special guest stars kelsey, carmen, and rosita; and trying to avoid getting sick! :) yay! here are some of group photos (they aren't daily but they are photos)!

squeezing everyone into the bathroom

squeezing all 5 of us in again

get down on it, uyen!

ps: i'm still celebrating my birthday...today i was surprised with cupcakes by my tweens! :D

2009-04-03T21:20:00.000-07:00

help a sister out! and some young ladies!

if you have any money that you're willing to donate to young ladies ages 4.5 to 19 who live in orange county and who are in need of gender-specific programming to overcome the obstacles and challenges that women face in our culture today (science and math discrepancies compared to male counterparts, self-worth and value in the face of media-driven concepts of beauty, learning about what's important in order to avoid a first or second pregnancy, etc.), please visit the Girls Incorporated of Orange County's OC Marathon donation website. your money will help pay for supplies for programs, scholarships for young ladies whose families have a hard time paying dues, etc. anything would be appreciated!

http://www.active.com/donate/girlsinc2009

2009-03-26T09:37:00.000-07:00

OC Marathon: May 3, 2009

Girls Inc. of Orange County (where I work) is a Charity Partner! That means anyone can choose to donate money to our organization and with the money we raise, we will be able to improve our exisiting programs and add new one! So if you have an extra dollar or dollars, help us out!

Also if you are interested in running it, here are the details:

"The race is a blend of chic coastal scenery, tranquil nature views and sophisticated arts and shopping, which will offer a great backdrop for an extraordinary race experience.

Starting at Newport Beach’s Fashion Island and the course features Pacific Coast Highway, Corona Del Mar Ocean Views, Newport Bay & Back Bay, OC Performing Arts Center, South Coast Plaza, and the Santa Ana River.

Celebrate your finish at the fantastic OC Fair and Events Center – the location for the Health & Fitness Expo and Finish Line Festival.

Please click here for our official online merchandise store.

We've received many questions via email that are answered on our FAQ Page of the web site; such as "yes", we are a Boston Qualifier, and "yes", we do allow walkers! These and many other frequently asked questions can be found there. Be sure to check that link when you have a question and then email us at info@ocmarathon.com if you need further assistance."

-- http://www.ocmarathon.com/index.php

You can also donate your time by volunteering for us!

Title: PF&F- Shift 1# (4 hr. shift)
Location: OC Fair & Event Center
Date: Sunday, May 3, 2009, 7:00 AM - 11:00 AM
Coordinator: Orleda Roa
Description: Post Food and Fluid, the most important element after a race. As the runner walks by, volunteers should hand one bottle of water to the runner. Keep restocking the tables and opening the cases of water as needed.
Volunteer Recruitment Deadline: Wednesday, April 1, 2009

(All volunteers must be 16 years or older)

2009-03-25T17:30:00.001-07:00

Main type	Variant

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

2009-03-22T16:57:00.000-07:00

things i love!

acoustic versions of songs

water: drinking an ice cold glass, swimming in the pool or ocean, showers, etc.!

flowers: tulips, gerbera daisies, irises, roses, lilies, sunflowers, etc.!

singing! when i'm happy or sad, i'll start to serenade the space around me, whether it is good or not!

feel good movies such as "amelie" and "princess bride"!

chips: baked pita chips, baked lays, cheese puffs, tortilla chips, etc.!

yoga! my body doesn't feel so compressed during or after it. and i break a sweat trying to combine strength, flexibility, and awareness.

flowing aka: "in the zone." it's such a powerful and meaningful way to spend time.

putting pen/pencil to paper.

music: big band jazz, dixieland jazz, ska, pop, reggae, reggae-inspired genres, r&b, some hip-hop and rap, rock, alternative, indie rock!

my family!

my friends!

creating something: a painting, a quilt, a pair of earrings, etc.!

sleeping after a good workout: i don't wake up in the middle of the night!

catching up with people.

hugs!!!

smiles!!!

layers when it's cold!

coming home after being gone all day (or many days)!

springtime!

hawai'i!

connection!

beach, of course!

2009-03-22T10:43:00.001-07:00

say it again for me, 'cause i love the way it feels

happy spring!

i am surrounded by flowers. cards. presents. but most importantly, love. and wonderful people.

26 will be good! i can feel it.

the group.

moca and erik.

they roll deep.

2009-03-09T10:14:00.000-07:00

measure your life in love...

on saturday, i watched "coraline" in 3D with darling jeffrey! and it was very entertaining; i was enthralled. and i couldn't imagine it 2D. yay, for the effects making a big difference! i look forward to "9." we also had lovely linner and some delicious blizzards at DQ. mmm... thanks for hanging out! i hope you had fun! :)

afterwards, i caught the tail end of an art opening in artists' village. i was happy to hear the student performances, mostly because i really like the song they played ("missing you" by lukie d). after helping the clean-up crew and looking around at the outdoor booths, i went over to memphis with them. when we finished but my vino hadn't, i walked around with steph. i saw some pieces i really liked but they were pretty hefty for this youth worker's pocketbook... when i have more money... ;)

yesterday, i was doing a google search for my blog and happened upon a blog i shouldn't have read but did. i read the entire thing and it left me in tears and motivated me to jump on the task at hand: adding up my father's work expenses. although not exhilarating, i welcomed the opportunity to keep my mind busy.

i finished my first reading assignment ("saffron days in LA") and am on to book number two: "a mindful way through depression." it seems promising and very practical. thanks, tingle! :)

daily routine: through my window.

2009-03-07T09:05:00.000-08:00

and your love will be warm nights with pockets of moonlight.

{edit}

update:
sleeping felt so good last night! i finally understand why people with real jobs are so tired after work and have no energy to have a social life; this also explains why dating is so hard at this age!

so i have a friend who i've unofficially recognized as my life mentor and creative inspiration. and it has been a HUGE breath of fresh air having her in my life. i feel like my soul is starting to poke through the earth searching for light to nourish its growth. it has been so long since i've felt inspired in any aspect of my life! i guess i have been creatively stifled, a sort of black and white television set, but i hope that my uninspired phase is coming to an end. i hope i can find new mediums, renewed confidence, and a fresh spirit...

when i met my 3rd soulmate, my life began overflowing with joy and fulfillment. i was inspired down to my bones: exploring new mediums, learning new skills, and having a great coach to show me the ropes and walk alongside me on the journey. music was a strong third character coloring each experience and the world was new with amazement and mindfulness. finally, someone who understood my spirit and awakened parts of me i used to be or could become. it was like my life was in HD.

uyen's definition corner:

soulmate: noun. a person you meet who from the start, feels familiar and like you've known them before. you feel like they understand you without having to explain yourself. you feel like you are accepted so that you can be yourself around him/her. you feel unbounded and unlimited. you share similar worldviews, perspectives, reactions, or behaviors whether or not you've been raised similarly. you feel great joy in their presence. and it feels like you are connected to something greater in the world.

2009-03-04T20:04:00.000-08:00

latest movie watched:

Before Sunset: Starring Ethan Hawke and Julie Delphy. The sequel to Before Sunrise, documenting the second encounter between two people who met 9 years earlier spending the day getting to know each other. In this movie, the two spend their few hours together (before his flight back home to his wife and son) catching up, subtly revealing thoughts and feelings about each other. Their connection is strong and undeniable. Will they say good-bye a second time or do they take their second chance for something lasting?

uyen's definition corner

first love: noun. the first person you open your heart to and love (outside of your family), usually the premature and selfish type. all of your hopes and expectations for relationships or a partner are placed upon this person, which usually leaves you disappointed. you hardly forget this person and he/she is hard to get over.

bestie corner

daily routine: in bed writing.

daily routine: my sigg bottle.

daily routine: my dashboard.

2009-03-01T11:14:00.000-08:00

{edit}

I've been on a movie watching kick these past two weekends, mostly because I've needed a way to relax after the loooong week. I want to hole up inside my room and veg out for days at a time. Here's a list of what I've seen.

Penelope: Starring Christina Ricci. About a young girl who has inherited the family curse: she has a pig snout. The only way it can be lifted is if someone of her kind (the rich, blue-blooded type) will love and accept her the way she is. Her parents matchmake to find a willing partner to save her and her family.

A Cindarella Story: Starring Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray. A modern twist on Cindarella with cell phones and e-mails and high school drama.

Long Life, Happiness & Prosperity: Starring Sandra Oh. A young Chinese American girl uses Taoist magic to try to improve her mother's situation. After her spells misfire and affect other people, her mother finally finds what she needs.

Last Kiss: Starring Zach Braff, Rachel Bilson, Casey Affleck. About a man about to turn 30 who freaks out about the finality of his life because his perfect girlfriend is pregnant. He sees the rest of his life as void of surprises. So when Kim along and comes on strong, he can't resist.

me with mama at yogurtland.

mis padres y yo at the temple for new year. yay for ox!

2009-02-15T00:23:00.000-08:00

"if you're lost, you can look and you will find me, time after time."

once i knew these lyrics would always be true. now, it seems impossible.

eight and a half years ago, i fell in love. and i believed that we would make it through and that we would end up together. though we had rough patches and he wasn't ready to commit and i wasn't healthy and we could hardly communicate, he was my all and i wanted him to always be.

but the story wasn't perfect.

a year and some odd months after being officially apart, though estranged and hardly a part of each other's lives, it continues to be hard to move on. pesky facebook updates poured salt into my wounds. a couple of chance encounters left me crying for hours. you'd think that all of the hardships and the obvious incompatibility and R&R would be evidence enough that it wasn't working out and that i should let go but apparently, it isn't that easy.

i know i'll finally move forward when i can let go of that strong hope of him being the one. that unwavering optimism in my first love. the notion that i can have a happily ever after with him.

because it seems we've run out of time.

2009-02-06T07:59:00.000-08:00

the number of people who have been in the dreams i have recalled the last two nights would equal the size of a very nice party: we've got people i met once at a training, someone i knew in sla, and my seester in one and then we've got some of my current students (whom i showed my dream house to in person), two ex's, and their group of friends. usually, i may dream of one or two people i know, and even then, their faces might not belong to them. but something feels very vivid about seeing all these actual faces all in a string of dreams. [shrugs]

2009-01-31T01:02:00.000-08:00

i think i've just gotten out of the worst part of the storm and am finally moving again. thank goodness. i have much to sort out. but holing myself up was starting to take a toll on me.

it's sad how you live your life and randomly see someone and you're both in such different places that you hardly know each other anymore. it's mostly sad because you didn't expect things to change significantly; you thought the relationship could withstand time and space. but sometimes life is too much to weather. and our hearts forget who we used to be. and we have no choice but to move on. without a goodbye. without a hug.

for a time in my life, i felt a part of a community. it enriched me and gave me strength, giving my confidence a much needed boost. but it has since disbanded. and although it would be nice to believe that i just go back to being without a community, i am different because i have lost it and have to go on without it. not saying that i won't feel it again, but tearing a piece of paper and taping it back together isn't the same as the whole piece of paper.

i told my co-worker that happiness is a choice. as a reaction, a response, or a way of approaching our days. but it takes a grand effort to choose happiness instead of the better developed responses, such as stress, anger, fear, etc. but it doesn't mean we shouldn't try.

2009-01-25T12:50:00.000-08:00

2009-01-20T15:48:00.001-08:00

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding."
- Kahlil Gibran

"Although the world is full of suffering, it also full of overcoming it."
- Helen Keller

"I have learned that whenever the question is 'What is important?'; the answer is always 'Love.'
...
Life is filled with tough stuff. Death, illness and other causes of human suffering are all part of life. Although extremely difficult, these are the situations that produce the deepest and most profound growth. For some reason, we are more open to learning when we are hurting. We are softer--we are able to admit that we don't know everything."
- Kimberly Kirberger

2009-01-04T17:23:00.000-08:00

2008 in pictures: october - december.

102408 - girls inc. annual event.

113008 - time with doni.

122508 - xmas sunset in waikiki.

2009-01-04T17:03:00.000-08:00

2008 in pictures: july - september.

070508 - las vegas with the parentals.

071308 - orange county tour. courtesy of zerlina.

072308 - keiko's tour of socal.

072508 - mle!

072808 - siblings reunited.

080208 - underwear affair.

081608 - monsters of hip hop with zerlina.

091208 - oakland with thien.

2009-01-04T16:32:00.000-08:00

2008 in photos: april - june.

041208 - thornton winery with lisa.

041308 - flower fields of calabasas.

051908 - tahoe.

052308 - class of 2008 graduation.

061208 - oakland with mama and thien.

2009-01-03T10:08:00.001-08:00

2008 in photos: january - march

010708 - bowers with lisa.

011908 - harvelle's for rebelution with lisa and mitzi.

021408 - chaya. coutesy of lisak.

022708 - fun times with mitsuko.

031408 - mai tai fun.

031508 - sol art and artists' village. courtesy of naco.

031608 - birthday love at cafe hiro. courtesy of lisak.

032008 - wine cellar.

2009-01-02T11:08:00.000-08:00

2008 in review

personal events:
1. getting hired on at girls inc. (august)
2. injuring my ankle (april)
3. tattoo (september)
4. thien moving home (september)
5. trip to hawai'i (december)
6. camping in tahoe (may)
7. going to the ellen show (october)

movies:
1. "slumdog millionaire"
2. "prince caspian"
3. "definitely, maybe"
4. "dark knight"
5. "hancock"
6. "juno"
7. "bucket list"
8. "wall-e"
9. "indiana jones"

favorite songs:
1. "lucky (feat. colbie caillat)" by jason mraz
2. "i'm yours" by jason mraz (album version)
3. "the best you never had" by leona lewis
4. "2am" by slightly stoopid
5. "forever" by chris brown
6. "come over (feat. sean paul)" by estelle
7. "good life (feat. t-pain)" by kanye west
8. "love song" by sara bareilles
9. "one step at a time" by jordin sparks
10. "say it again" by marie digby
11. " a milli" by lil' wayne

concerts:
1. alicia keys - may
2. jack johnson - august
3. bloc party - july
4. bloc party - december
5. death cab for cutie - june
6. marie digby - july
7. rebelution - january

friends:
1. zerlina w
2. keiko t
3. mits t
4. rafa s
5. doni k
6. mle
7. lisa k
8. francyne n
9. mindy l
10. naco

activities i spent most of my time on:
1. driving
2. television
3. volleyball
4. sleep
5. remembering

trips:
1. hawai'i - december
2. temecula - april
3. oakland - september 11
4. san diego - march
5. las vegas - july
6. oakland - september
7. las vegas - september
8. oakland - january
9. san francisco/santa cruz/oakland - july
10. oakland - february
11. tahoe/oakland - may
12. oakland (with mom) -

shows:
1. "ugly betty"
2. "pushing daisies"
3. "samantha who"
4. "chuck"
5. "house"

books:
1. "the only 127 things you need"
2. "the secret"
3. "true love"
4. "norwegian wood"

lessons learned:
1. if i start a book, i need to finish it.
2. staying active = endorphins = happy.
3. closure comes when it wants to.
4. being present is being mindful.
5. be patient with healing.
6. shitty first drafts eventually bring something you like.
7. what you think is what manifests in your life.
8. perfectionism is a way to live life with minimal mess but messes can be good.
9. a facilitator helps you be an expert in your life by asking good questions.
10. the best gifts are the ones filled with aloha.
11. be honest -- there is less to remember.
12. you don't forget someone you love; you learn to live without them.
13. move in the direction of fear.
14. i'm tired of trying to be friends with people who aren't trying back.

2008-12-14T20:10:00.000-08:00

after half a glass one wine...

my head already feels heavy. so i'm going to pour out the rest and find some gum to chew. speaking of gum... have you ever read "bird by bird"? read the section on "perfectionism." and here are some lyrics that caught my ears this evening.

happy trails to you, until we meet again.

ps: happy belated birthday, LK! :) thanks for letting me celebrate with you last night!

Far Away
By: Nickelback

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

One my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving
Hold on to me and, never let me go

2008-11-24T11:48:00.000-08:00

this holiday season, i'm going for "less is more." and because i have everything i need and most of everything i want, if you feel like you have to get me something, refer to my list. maybe you could make a tribute donation in my name! :)

holiday wish list:

donate to girls inc and help improve programming, pay for underprivileged girls to attend, etc.!

volunteer at girls inc of oc!

give the gift of clean water, food, and other necessities for those in need!

i am also looking to supplement my writing contest for my students with 2nd and 3rd place prizes and/or gifts for participating. if you want to help me with that, please let me know!

2008-11-23T18:48:00.000-08:00

you're never gonna find your way

as i find myself interested in new people in my life, i recognize the fact that i need a clean slate. i need to be able to move forward without keeping one foot in the past. if i don't, it will be like i didn't learn anything this past year...

with the last person i was attracted to, i kept missing the signs and signals, the hidden meanings and nuances; i was too distracted with my hectic life. i also hadn't moved on from my previous relationship; when i finally had, it was because i realized my unhappiness was a by-product of my dissatisfaction and both of us were suffering. but my timing was off and, ultimately, i missed my chance.

i don't want that to happen again.

i'm not over him yet. the last year i've been traveling down the road of heartache and not until recently did i find the road of healing. but while laying in bed this morning, i realized that i couldn't keep holding on because what i've been holding has been hopes and fantasies, all fabricated and unreal. i finally made sense of the signs and hints of rejection from moooonths back. i've either been very stupid or very meek. whichever it's been, i'm happy that i wasn't proud.

i've never been able to figure him out. i had a difficult time decoding the signs of interest and i had a rough time with rejection. i guess sometimes you can meet someone who seems to be a perfect match, except for the part where he/she doesn't fit into your life.

so when my back foot finally breaks free, i will move forward without regret or hope.

2008-11-23T18:10:00.000-08:00

INFJs

Life

Gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive

Artistic and creative; live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities.

Constantly define and re-define priorities

Know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. Are usually right and usually know it.

Have uncanny insight into people and situations; get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. Some report experiences of a psychic nature

Protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it.

Quite private and typically difficult to understand. Hold back part of themselves, secretive.

As genuinely warm as complex; hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring.

Concerned for people's feelings; try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone; very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Conflict may drive them into a state of agitation or charged anger. Tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because instincts are trusted above all else, may be stubborn and ignore other people's opinions.

Are perfectionists: doubt that they are living up to their full potential; rarely at complete peace with themselves. Believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments.

Have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right.

Have high expectations of themselves and frequently of their families. Don't believe in compromising their ideals.

Relationships

Seek out and promote relationships that are intense and meaningful

Always striving for the Ultimate Relationship. May fall into the habit of moving from relationship to relationship, always in search of a more perfect partner.

Deeply warm and caring person who is highly invested in the health of their close relationships and puts forth a lot of effort to make them positive

Seek long-term, lifelong relationships, although they don't always find them.

Strengths

Warm and affirming by nature

Dedicated to achieving the ultimate relationship

Sensitive and concerned for others' feelings

Usually have good communication skills, especially written

Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships

Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)

Good listeners

Are able to move on after a relationship has ended (once they're sure it's over)

Weaknesses

Tendency to hold back part of themselves

Not good with money or practical day-to-day life necessities

Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism

Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)

Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship

2008-11-15T22:04:00.000-08:00

dear darling,

it's another year to add under your belt and a new year to look forward to! what will you do? what do you want to accomplish? what do you want for yourself?

i hope this year brings you closer to all your hopes and goals. i hope you are in the company of marvelous people. i hope that you are overflowing with joy. i hope your talents and skills are being utilized and appreciated. i hope you see life's most beautiful creations. i hope you see your power to have the life you want.

i miss you. i hope i can see you soon and catch up.

happy birthday, darling!

love,
dear.

2008-11-15T21:52:00.000-08:00

recycle your old shoes so they can be turned into basketball and tennis courts and tracks!

sam's club recycles old electronics!

less for the holidays

2008-11-10T22:44:00.000-08:00

i mentioned earlier that i've been watching several television shows lately: "samantha who," "ugly betty," "pushing daisies," and "chuck." for those of you who know me, you know that that is a LOT of TV for me. all throughout college, the only shows i watched religiously were "buffy the vampire slayer" (remember watching in phat's apartment?) and "felicity" while i was in mexico for study abroad. gluing myself to the tube this year (and computer for online streaming) is a result of a combination of things: saving money, saving gas, being afraid to socialize, and apparently, being afraid to live my life.

i came back to the mainland filled with hope: i had finally seen what i had been doing for the previous 2 years and knew that i had to make a change. i was ready for that. but i also returned with my same old fears and many new ones. though i realized for the first time in my life that i was in responsible for my own happiness, i did not know what i was supposed to do to create that happiness. i had left everyone to do some soul-searching so i really didn't think that it mattered to many that i had come home. my unemployed self could not find motivation to find a job. transitioning back to california was harder than i envisioned. so in freaking out, i locked myself up (except for a few scattered souls who knew of my whereabouts and with whom i leaned on for support -- thank you!). i had a few outlets; i went to some classes at a community college, i played volleyball, i spent time at home with my parents. and i also watched television shows to forget how lonely and worthless i felt at times -- for those half-hour and hour blocks, i was not thinking about my own sad thoughts; i was witnessing someone else's life. and it all became habit within the blur of "routine and apathy."

recently, i've been trying to return to my writing. something inside of me has been wanting to express everything i've been bottling up and ignoring. some of my creative inspiration from before has even come back into my life.

but a young woman who i work with said something (among many) last friday that stuck with me and came up when i was trying to write this weekend: " you can't do stuff in life just by reading about it." so that when my soul was excited to put my pink pen to paper and translate all of my feelings and thoughts, my mind stopped my hand and thought, "instead of writing about life, why don't i live my own?"

2008-11-08T20:37:00.000-08:00

i've been bobbing my head to this one lately. although i am a fan of the original acoustic version, this one makes my drive happier. :)

2008-11-08T20:25:00.000-08:00

this is one of my favorite songs on the album "spirit." i couldn't quite understand why i was so drawn to it but last night while driving home and listening to it, i finally made sense of it...

The Best You Never Had
Leona Lewis

I was so in love with you
There was nothing I could do
Wouldn't give me the time of day
Now you wanna be with me
You say you wanna be with me

You said I was the best
Gave your love out to the rest
There was nothing I could say
But now it's going good for me
You say you wanna be with me
Now

Yeah, you're telling me that I am where it's at
But I ain't having none of that....

Because I told you, you'd live to regret it,
and now I don't wanna make you feel bad,
But when it comes to me just forget it,
I'll be the best you never had,
You put me through so many emotions,
Now baby it's your turn for that,
'cause in your empty heart I have left a mark,
The best you never had.

No, No, No

You saw me as a friend,
Baby I don't want revenge,
But if you must know the truth,
What you didn't see in me
That's what you will never be now,
When you're telling me I was always the one,
I feel your desperation.

Because I told you, you'd live to regret it,
and now I don't wanna make you feel bad,
But when it comes to me just forget it,
I'll be the best you never had,
You put me through so many emotions,
Now baby it's your turn for that,
'cause in your empty heart I have left a mark,
The best you never had.

Back rubs, good love, my stuff
That's what you missed out on
My touch... so much we could have
You miss,
My kiss,
My lips,
The love I had for you
Our song, so long
Baby, don't it make it sad?

Because I told you, you'd live to regret it,
and now I don't wanna make you feel bad,
But when it comes to me just forget it,
I'll be the best you never had,
You put me through so many emotions,
Now baby it's your turn for that,
'cause in your empty heart I have left a mark,
The best you never had.

Because I told you, you'd live to regret it,
and now I don't wanna make you feel bad,
But when it comes to me just forget it,
I'll be the best you never had,
You put me through so many emotions,
Now baby it's your turn for that,
'cause in your empty heart I have left a mark,
The best you never had.

Well I will always be the best you never had

The best you never had

...i'm the one being sung to.

2008-11-06T21:21:00.000-08:00

Poll

which writing prompt do you like best? i'm trying to choose one for the contest i'm going to do with my students:

1. Write a letter to the President of the United States telling him what you think should be changed to make the United States a better place to live.

2. Who do you respect most in your life? Write a letter to the person telling them why you respect them so much.

3. List up to four of your best qualities. Pick one that you think helps you succeed in life. Write about how this quality helps you overcome day-to-day obstacles.

4. Think about a time when you faced a challenge. Write a story about that time, including how you dealt with the challenge and what its outcome was. Be sure to narrate an event or a series of events and to include specific details so that the reader can follow your story.

5. Think of a person you have known who has been important to you. Describe why he or she made such an impression on you or made a difference in your life.

2008-11-03T22:10:00.000-08:00

"The goal of life, the goal of anybody’s life, in fact the only real goal in all of our lives, is to leave this world a better place. To create a lasting impression that you were there, that you made a real difference. To touch lives, to love and be loved."
- Dr. Bill Steinbech

"Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake."
- Henry David Thoreau

"Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
- Oliver Goldsmith

"Don't waste your life in doubts and fears: spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours or ages that follow it."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."
- Helen Keller

"Happiness resides not in possessions and not in gold; the feeling of happiness dwells in the soul."
- Democritus

"Happiness is not a matter of events, it depends upon the tides of the mind."
- Alice Meynell

Happy birthday, Scorpio I's.

2008-11-03T16:45:00.000-08:00

halloween and october are done with and we're already a few days into november! time is flying by! i have to get started on my personal statement for my msw application for csulb and i am already trying to plan my birthday.

here is someone i found at santa ana's artist village this past saturday night for art walk: check him out. naco bought a matted picture of koi fish and got a magnet too.

i went to the "realizing a vision" conference for leadership and entrepreneurship for young women ages 14-18. we got free giveaways (including 4 pairs of affordable fashion shades and a book on success) and got to hear some famous/well-known speakers! it was very inspiring and coupled with "the secret," i am well on my way! take that, sadness! i'm kicking this depression funk to the curb! as one of my tweens said to me, i ain't getting any younger. i need to move forward and do what it takes to get to where i want to be.

anyone familiar with long beach? any cool spots for a social gathering? perhaps a cool bar? or restaurant? all information welcomed!

may you be happy and healthy.

2008-10-30T11:15:00.000-07:00

i am starting to feel dissatisfaction in my soul again. it is characterized by moments of sadness that come without any clear catalyst. i cannot blame the changing of seasons because it is still warm in southern california (at least for the next day). i will not attribute it to my ankle, which rolled again last night. i am saddened by the news of "pushing daisies" but that is not it either.

no, it is something else. i hope that when i take action, life will fall into place once more.

i am so happy and so grateful to be taking care of myself.

2008-10-13T20:42:00.000-07:00

[inspired by a conversation with gypsygrig]

the worst feelings...

feeling alone while surrounded by people

fingernails on chalkboards

not following your heart

disappointing someone you care about

leaving someone who you feel happy spending time with

the best feelings...

waking up next to someone you love

someone who you can be yourself around

being active

real hugs

feeling someone else's feelings for you

2008-10-06T22:33:00.001-07:00

i haven't had much to say lately, hence the lack of posts. let's see what i can drag up.

thien is home. it's the first time i've lived with him since 1996, before he left for college. it is quite interesting, though easy. with the five year cushion that we have, we get along, we enjoy each other's company. so we've been running errands together, studying at the library, sharing meals at home and out at restaurants; we even spend a little time together before going to bed either reading or being. it's fulfilling to have a brother in the house.

today, i downloaded my master of social work application for CalState Long Beach. i am trying to prepare all the information for my references before i settle down to write that personal statement, which will be one arduous effort. let's see how much i want to be in social work!

doni was up in orange county for the past 4 days. we had the chance to shop till dropped on saturday; she was getting her halloween costume ready and apparently learning how to be a girl in 24 hours. and then we ate at curry house with my parents that night. that was some good menchi katsu. mmm. also, i went to dinner with her and some former high school friends. it was nice catching up with everyone, though "heroes" was throwing everyone off!

speaking of television, in addition to "ugly betty," i am now also hooked on "chuck" and "pushing daisies." they are all part comedy/part something else. it makes for feel-good programming, which i am a big fan of these days! even though i am only part-time right now at work, i do not like going out too much. i like curling up at home on my down time.

the single thing is working out for me quite well right now. it's not so much that i hate guys (in fact i am trying to stop myself from saying my infamous tagline). i am merely trying to take care of myself and keep myself healthy. and if i had someone else who i was attached to right now beside my family, i would not be sleeping enough or eating right. thus, this time is truly for me.

i have also been trying to finish reading the books that i start. i have been doing well. i have finished more books this year than in the previous two years combined. i hope it teaches me something about commitment and follow-through.

tata for now!

2008-10-03T22:40:00.001-07:00

i'm not telling you who or what to vote for. that's up to you. but the point is FOR you to vote. if you can.

thanks, jess, for the link!

2008-09-30T17:10:00.001-07:00

...support...

so in order to assist my wrists during this tough time, i bought a brace for the left one. i would have bought another one for the right one but target only had one. until i get another one, i will wear a sweatband.

in other news, thien is back home in anaheim! i drove up to help him move down. and it's nice to have a brother again! i haven't lived with him for an extended period of time in 12 years! ay ya! it's never too late though! i can't wait for thailand for him; i must practice visualizing him as a monk.

i met with a friend who helped me get ideas on how to be more inclusive while i am facilitating and teaching at my sites. i hope it all works out!

when you are happy, everyone else is happy too! the happiness just overflows into others. leaving everyone better off!

check out ana laan! "paradise" is way happy!

for those of you heading out to vegas this weekend, have a fantastical time!!! :) say hi to chip for me! ;)

cuidate. y si necesites, preguntame para apollo.

2008-09-23T10:18:00.000-07:00

from an e-mail rafa sent me.

How racism works

What if John McCain were a former president of the Harvard Law Review?
What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?

What if McCain were still married to the first woman he said "I do" to?
What if Obama were the candidate who left his first wife after she no longer measured up to his standards?

What if Michelle Obama were a wife who not only became addicted to pain
killers, but acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?
What if Cindy McCain graduated from Harvard?

What if Obama were a member of the "Keating 5"?
What if McCain was a charismatic, eloquent speaker?

If these questions reflected reality, do you really believe the election numbers would be as close as they are?

This is what racism does. It covers up, rationalizes and minimizes positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color difference.

2008-09-22T17:58:00.001-07:00

create your own green halloween costume!

http://www.greendaily.com/2008/09/22/make-your-own-halloween-costume/

2008-09-22T17:55:00.001-07:00

September 22, 2008
Fostering Understanding
Pisces Daily Horoscope

You might feel that you have to keep your ego in check during negotiations, which may leave you feeling impatient both with yourself and with others today. It might be that you think you know what is right, but you feel frustrated knowing that if you assert your opinions your ideas might backfire. Letting go of your need to be perfect and correct could help you feel more comfortable with other people’s ideas and less attached to your own. Should you start to feel intolerant today you can imagine that you are a flower opening up to receive the sun’s energy. As you picture this, you might become more aware of the fact that your negotiations are the product of a symbiotic relationship between you and another person—their ideas are also necessary for success.

Seeing ourselves as receptive to others, we lessen the hold our egos have over us and open up to the abundance of ideas that exist in the world. Our desire to be right has more to do with our being afraid that someone else’s opinions won’t match our own or won’t take our needs into account. But if we are not extending the same openness to others, they won’t give it to us—sometimes trust and success begins with our laying our ego down on the line first. By acknowledging that others may experience the same sense of impatience with you, you will find it easier to be more receptive and to foster greater understanding in your interactions today.

2008-09-21T16:34:00.000-07:00

i never thought that i had trust issues. i saw it plague my friends around me, as they kept people at bay and stopped themselves from fully experiencing relationships. but i understood why they did not let people into their hearts; they had been hurt before and didn't want to feel it again. but i was not afraid of hurting.

recently, i had an intense conversation with a good friend. and i started to piece together why i have had trouble sharing my feelings and concerns: i have not always felt that what i had to say would be safe with the other person. in awe, i tried to think of the people that i have had a track record of completely opening up to and there were only a handful. in my lifetime. and then it dawned on me that this fear of being emotionally rejected or not accepted has kept me from saying what i really feel and think, and ultimately, not trusting.

on a lighter note, i need to control my retail therapy. and cook.

2008-09-21T11:52:00.001-07:00

September 21, 2008
Cultivate Constructive Interactions
Pisces Daily Horoscope

You may feel let down today which could be because your close personal relationships might not be meeting your expectations. This sense of disappointment might be the result of your having difficulty maintaining your trust in those who are near to you. While it is natural to feel disappointed at certain times in relationships, perhaps your emotions today are telling you that rather than focusing on the nature of your frustrations, it is better to bring your awareness to the ways in which you react to your loved ones. As you think about this, you might visualize yourself embracing your family members but keeping them at arm’s length, helping you to realize that even though these are people you love, they should not define who you are or how you perceive yourself. You may find this simple exercise makes it easier to feel better about your feelings.

Holding a space for our loved ones without requiring anything helps us to alleviate any negative emotions we may have. Since our family members are so close to us, their opinions often mean a lot to us. If we learn to detach with love in these relationships periodically, however, it gives us the space we need to reflect on what it is that is distressing us and to think about more positive ways to react to whatever may arise in our interactions. Finding a way to be compassionate without letting your feelings overwhelm you will allow you to cultivate much more constructive interactions with your loved ones today.

2008-09-21T00:18:00.001-07:00

i really wanted to eat a fortune cookie today. and i wanted to share what mine said.

"luck helps those who help themselves."

2008-09-14T22:57:00.001-07:00

September 14, 2008
Release Control
Pisces Daily Horoscope
From DailyOm

You may find that a resistance to accepting other people’s suggestions may make it difficult to make changes in your life today. It might be that you feel the need to protect your own interests, and you might feel the desire to control various situations as a result. Perhaps you could consider working on loosening your need to be in charge of things today. This would be a good time to learn how to be open to new thoughts and ideas. You may find that you will gain a greater sense of security over your responsibilities when you allow yourself to listen to other people’s suggestions. If you do feel your need to direct others arise, simply remind yourself that no matter how much you resist, change will occur with or without your input.

Making an effort to be responsive to at least one new idea helps us relinquish our need to feel control over a situation. Needing to be in charge often means that our fear of letting go overshadows everything else. Our feelings of power give us a false sense of security. We might think that things will remain constant, but change is the very essence of life. When we remember that the only thing we have control of is our minds, however, we become more open to the world around us. Change no longer scares us and we are able to feel our resistance to new ideas softening. By loosening your need for control today, you will set the necessary groundwork to transform your life.

2008-08-24T12:06:00.000-07:00

some of my recent scans.

family portrait.

1997. shs volleyball banquet.

tina.

2008-08-22T14:34:00.000-07:00

i got my first paycheck! and as is custom, i'm going to take my parents out to dinner! what's on the menu? roy's! i want butterfish. and i want to be reminded of hawai'i.

2008-08-15T22:07:00.000-07:00

i just made it through my first 3 days at my new job at girls incorporated. this is the first time that i have worked in 9 months so it has been a bit of an interesting transition. i am trying to remember how to relate with youth, particularly an all female group, in addition to getting used to a structured day, meeting new people, and learning new rules and ways. i am actually super rusty; it has been difficult to communicate what i need to get across, figure out what i need to do, and motivate the students. i hope i can get it together soon.

but on the positive side, i have my own e-mail address and there are business cards being printed for me, though the business cards seem a bit much for me. we also spent this afternoon at adventure playground where we sailed down water slides and rolled around in mud. yes, mud! when we returned, my fellow cohort was surprised for her birthday and then there was a surprise bridal shower for another co-worker. lots to celebrate!

and the other day while driving to work, a butterfly came out from underneath the car in front and flew around my car. i hope that is a sign! :)

2008-08-12T23:37:00.000-07:00

"i loved him. but sometimes two people who really love each other have, well...they have an uncanny knack of making each other miserable." -
- conversations with other women

2008-08-12T00:53:00.000-07:00

another night, another trip to the beach. but this evening included leaps and cartwheels, giggling and listening to stories, and getting a great deal of exercise for one day!

during a long evening of crying last night, a good friend helped me gain some perspective. mostly on letting myself be where i am at and feel what i feel. instead of, for example, feeling bad about being sad and forcing myself to be happy. or wanting one thing but doing another. so that when i awoke this morning and had the house to myself and my puffed up eyes, i only focused on that. no pressure to "get it together" or to "snap out of it." or hide the evidence of my crying from my mom.

before i knew it, i was immersed in 1.8 episodes of buffy when thebff called and asked if i still wanted to go to dance class. and i went. and it was good! and then the endorphins were floating and mixing with the caffeine from cha. and dinner was light and loving. and a walk on the sand was a must!

my new strategy: more doing, less analyzing. more processing, less avoiding.

2008-08-10T22:21:00.000-07:00

i sat on the sand underneath the half moon watching the waves sparkle and glow as they rose and fell in the ocean. the stars were scattered all around me as the wind blew from the southwest.

on a normal night, i would have been dressed more warmly in addition to having my blanket for extra protection. but tonight, i was wearing summer shorts and a thin zip-up, a sign of the spontaneity of my trip. it did not matter too much; my mind was focused on something, unable to notice anything else. while the zephyr numbed my senses, my memory exploded.

...once upon a time, my soul was awakened, like a sunflower springing into full bloom. it was fully nourished and thus strong and magnanimous. music sounded from its core and happiness seeped from its petals. but one day, the sun went away and did not come back. left without its life source, my soul began to weaken, wither, and wilt. like a sunflower shriveling up into itself...

i have been trying to figure out the source of my recent sadness. and as i held myself against the onshore breeze, the darkness that swam around me held little answers. but i realized, maybe the blackness was actually emanating from within me projected onto my surroundings. and that was why i could not see.

when my tears dried up and my nose was stuffed beyond breathing, i gathered my thoughts and stepped into the warmth of the summer sea. the water soothed me and though i was nowhere closer to finding any answers, the shrinking of my soul was no longer painful. just a dull sort of annoying that would sit in the back burner till another episode came on. till then, i bid good night to the pacific.

2008-07-31T21:58:00.001-07:00

crazy busy!

good times were had since july 20th till july 29th. including a 2nd interview. spending quality time with chi 3! spending quality time with em and company. spending quality time with the brothers and company. ending with quality time with mitzi at a concert. here are some highlights!

at cha with my fave june 27th cancers!

my hot date!

we like bus shots! on our way to pageant of the masters.

in front of pirates!

getting ready to go out!

me, em, and june!

i finally got me some indian food!

backseat antics!

crazies at luka's. courtest of antmang.

our own at&t ad. courtesy of antmang.

angry shot. courtesy of antmang.

2008-07-20T14:12:00.000-07:00

thebff and i had been wanting to rewatch "the notebook" to see if it was as bad as we thought. and though it was pretty sappy and cheesy and i could live without the last bed scene, it had a surprising lesson for me that was summed up in noah's last letter to allie. here it is:

"My Dearest Allie. I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you. Noah"

i knew i had to move on and let go of everything. but i felt torn between continuing to look back the way i had been and traveling down a new path with potentially happier or sadder moments. but a friend said it best when she told me: "he's obviously a huge part of your life still, but the fact is, he's not there anymore."

i really want to get to the point where i can stop being bitter: at him, at me, at timing, at the world. i want forgiveness to fill me so i can stop carrying around the pain and the hurt. i want to stop hoping for an opportunity to know if it was real or not. i want to be truly happy if i ever saw him again.

2008-07-18T01:33:00.000-07:00

i have no other way to deal with my disappointment in him other than telling myself that words do not have the same meaning to everyone. and even though i try really hard to believe it, i cannot help but feel angry at him. and that anger boils and brings to surface all of the other empty promises he told me.

but i let him get to me. i give him the power to make me upset at one thirty in the morning.

one day i will have to forgive his lack of follow-through. or inconsiderateness. whatever it is. i have to live my life for me.

2008-07-16T23:56:00.000-07:00

for jo.

16 facts about me.

1. crying takes over my body, mind, and spirit and leaves me feeling fully alive.
2. i am drawn to people who are by themselves and seem to feel as out of place as i do at social functions.
3. my locus of control has been impacted by my cultural upbringing: i feel like destiny has its plans all set for me.
4. i get excited about trying something new (i.e. piano, biking), but if i am not good at it or do not see immediate progress, i get over it quickly.
5. i feel like i will be lost and unsatisfied till i find my passion, my purpose, in life.
6. writing is my preferred method of communicating.
7. i have problems with my t-zone and i wish i knew how to help it.
8. i am sheltered.
9. i do not get restful sleep at night, probably because i hold onto all of my unsaid's and undone's, so i remember a great deal of my dreams.
10. i used to eat rock sugar, and though it hurt sometimes, it was worth it.
11. crunchy foods are my weakness, especially chips and tostada shells.
12. i drive like my mother and i am very proud of that.
13. the next thing i want to learn to do is drive on a race track.
14. if i could have been GOOD at anything, i would have wanted to be an amazing singer.
15. i am thorough.
16. i want to be happy. again.

2008-07-11T23:31:00.000-07:00

"Our best decisions, the ones that we never regret, come from listening to ourselves."

2008-07-10T11:36:00.001-07:00

"Dusk & Summer"

She smiled in a big way, the way a girl like that smiles
When the world is hers and she held your eyes
Out in the breezeway down by the shore in the lazy summer
And she pulled you in, and she bit your lip, and she made you hers
She looked deep into you as you lay together quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer

But you've already lost
When you only had barely enough to hang on

And she combed your hair, and she kissed your teeth
And she made you better than you'd been before
She told you bad things you wished you could change in the lazy summer
And she told you, laughing down to her core, so she would not cry as she lay in your lap
She said "nobody here can live forever, quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer"

But you've already lost
When you only had barely enough to hang on

She said, "no one is alone the way you are alone"
And you held her looser than you would have if you ever could have known
Some things tie your life together, slender threads and things to treasure
Days like that should last and last and last

But you've already lost
When you only had barely enough of her to hang on

2008-07-03T14:04:00.000-07:00

Ready For Love
By India.Arie

I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity

I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here

If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart

I am ready for love
If you'll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can

I am ready for love
Here with an offering of
My voice
My Eyes
My soul
My mind

Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love

I am ready

2008-07-03T09:16:00.000-07:00

4 Things You Cannot Recover...
* The stone after the throw
* The word after it's said
* The Occasion after the loss
* The time after it's gone

2008-07-01T15:32:00.001-07:00

"traffic." by marie digby.

this is the third time this week
that I find myself wandering down your street
and i can't seem to give it up.
i've even stopped making these excuses
for why you're stuck here in my thoughts
when it's been long enough.

i try to keep myself moving, but i'm not getting anywhere..

i wait in the same spot
brain like a parking lot
you're the traffic in my head
you're the reason that i'm wrecked
i pray for it to stop
like rain on the sidewalk
traffic in my head
you're the traffic in my head
there's just too much to forget

guess i should be happy now
everything is back to how it was
before you came around
i'm already changing
i've even tried to find a new distraction
but still you surround
as if it's not hard enough

and i try to keep myself moving but i'm not going anywhere

I wait in the same spot
brain like a parking lot
you're the traffic in my head
you're the reason that i'm wrecked
I pray for it to stop
like rain on the sidewalk
traffic in my head
you're the traffic in my head
there's just too much to forget

a part of me thinks that i'm going crazy
the world's spinning
my vision is hazy
and none of this makes any sense
i never meant for this to end
i can do what i have to do..
if i could only get around you

2008-06-26T18:48:00.001-07:00

things like this speak to me.

2008-06-20T16:57:00.000-07:00

i visited one of the teachers at my former site, a friend. and while we had lunch, she told me about everything that was going on. and it was crazy. as usual. but one of the things she told me about is a theme that has been plaguing my thoughts lately.

the students that i used to work with have had to deal with a lot of adversity. many times the people who were supposed to take care of them disappeared and at a young age, it was hard to deal with. so they've grown up untrusting and keeping people at bay so that they don't have to get so hurt.

but it made me remember some of my friend's situations, and how they met super cool people and really want to keep them in their lives. but it doesn't always seem to happen the way you want.

so even as adults, it's hard to lose people. the ones who make you feel human. and who you take for granted... because you think he'll be around. but then one day, he falls off your radar or ties get cut off and you're sad. lost. empty. and there's really nothing you can do, even after months when you catch him standing across the street from you. and you've dreamed of that moment. and your heart swells. with memories and hopes and possibilities. but "a breath between [you] could be miles," (sarah mclachlan, "i love you.") and then he's gone as quickly as he came into sight. and you're left with only your disappointment and an engulfing sadness that swallows you whole the way a blazing brush fire in the middle of southern california's santa ana winds claims the hills around it. your breaths shorten and as you drive away, you can't think straight. and the circles you drive are the ones that are spinning inside of your head. while the music drifts into your ears. and "the tears in [your] eyes burn," (bob marley, "waiting in vain"), sliding down your cheek. every distraction is futile. every tear a reminder of each memory you should be letting go of.

i went to the cafe that we went to last year. and ordered stracchiatella for old times sake and blood orange for new beginnings. i walked over to the fountain and found the bench we sat at. and ate my gelato. and though many would have seen it as masochistic, it was me paying my respects to something that meant a great deal to me. something i probably won't ever get over. but will find a way to live with symbiotically.

and though i was, and am, still sad, one day it will all make sense.

ur hard to get over.

2008-06-07T16:59:00.000-07:00

i do not know why i am always so surprised when i think about this point, but so much has changed from a year ago.

[shakes head in disbelief]

sometimes i long for what i had then: the familiar steps i took, the scent upon my skin, the feeling of comfort that gave me confidence. but as i have been told, this is a waste of a thought. but it has always been hard for me to let go. let go. let go...

of my fears.
of my perfectionism.
of a soul that changed my own.
of a love that had my heart.
of worrying about things out of my control.
of caring about what others will think.
of controlling.
of me.

2008-06-01T21:34:00.000-07:00

Beo dat may troi - Anh Khang & Quang Thang

Beo Dat May Troi

Bèo giạt mây trôi chốn xa xôi em ơi anh vẫn đợi bèo giạt
Mây trôi chim xa tan tín tìn cá vờn
Ngậm một tin trông, hai tin đợi, ba bốn tin chờ
Sao chẳng thấy em
Một mảnh trăng cheo xuốt canh thâu em ơi trăng đã ngã ngang đầu
Thương nhớ ai trăng sương đêm sắp tàn trăng tà
Mảnh tre đưa trước ngỏ là gió la đà anh vẫn mong chờ
Sao chẳng thấy em

Mòn mõi chim bay chốn xa xôi em ơi anh ngóng đợi mõi mòn
Thương nhớ ai chim ơi cho nhắn một đôi lời
Người đi xa có nhớ là nhớ ai ngồi trông cánh chim trời
Sao chẳng thấy em
hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm...
Người đi xa có nhớ là nhớ ai ngồi trông cánh chim trời
Sao chẳng thấy em... Sao chẳng thấy em... Sao chẳng thấy em

Water-fern flows and cloud floats

Water-fern flows and cloud floats in a distance land I still wait for you
cloud floats, birds fly away and fish disappear
Waiting to hear from you
How come I still don't see you
Night has fallen and the moon above the head
Missing someone as dew falls and the night fades
The bamboo rattles as the wind blows and I'm still waiting
How come I still don't see you

The bird still flies relentlessly to a distant land and I'm still waiting hopelessly
Missing someone, birds please relay my message
In a distant land do you still remember me I'm still watching the birds' wings
How come I still don't see you
hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm...
In a distant land do you still remember me I'm still watching the birds' wings
How come I still don't see you

2008-06-01T00:22:00.000-07:00

recently watched movies:

* "indiana jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull"
* "little black book"
* "the nanny diaries"
* "the chronicles of narnia: prince caspian"

so far, "prince caspian" is in the lead with new releases. hands down!

2008-05-31T14:08:00.000-07:00

i remember feeling this way when i was 23...

23
By: Jimmy Eat World

I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye,
No one else will know these lonely dreams,
No one else will know that part of me.
I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day.
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live...
Not stopping.

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time.
No one else will have me like you do,
No one else will have me, only you.

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time.
What are you hoping for?
I'm here and now I'm ready
Holding on tight.
Don't give away the end,
The one thing that stays mine.

Amazing still it seems,
I'll be 23.
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets.

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time.
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight.
Don't give away the end,
The one thing that stays mine

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time.
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight.
Don't give away the end,
The one thing that stays mine...

2008-05-28T00:41:00.000-07:00

i decided i wanted to choose and commit to social work. and just do it. and i told bob that and he told me it would be hard because i give a lot of myself. i didn't really consider that, and if i would have, i wouldn't have seen it as a problem. but i guess it will be. and it'll probably lead to a lot of headaches and knots in my shoulders. and me learning where my boundaries are. but i think it'll be okay; it'll have to be. unless i decide to become a web developer or something. [shrugs]

i just watched "the nanny diaries" and it was a feel good movie. except how come in real life, the harvard hottie boys don't chase down the jersey girls? where are the good ones? jess, you have to get on the first phase of your wedding planning! ;) and while you're at it, can you download skype so we can talk without pesky limited phone minutes? :D

i wish i could say that i was over it. clean and free. but i'm not and probably won't ever be. but i will get better at living without it. i will get better at keeping it to myself if i remember it. i have to. practice makes permanent, right?

tomorrow i'll start at square one. see if i can whip out a sentence. in the meantime, i sleep so that my mind can play out everything i don't allow it to.

2008-05-25T10:06:00.001-07:00

i just survived one of the busiest weeks i've had in a while! here are highlights, details, and tidbits.

don't walk around town in flat sandals.

buddy, the dog, followed me around the ivy house! i felt so loved!

i went camping for the second time in my life in tahoe at the fallen leaf lake campsite with ting-boz, mochi balls, and d.ditty.

waterfalls make you feel so small!

s'mores are the BEST!!!

pine cones and pine needles make for good bursts of flames in your fire.

i was so happy to wash my hand with soap and running water at the end of day one!

fenton's black and tan sundae is delicious!

i got to catch up with zee and kei.

i picked up jess from the airport thursday night to begin the graduation weekend after convincing my spanish professor to cancel our final exam and dinner with the familia!

brunch at the cottage on friday was yum and fun! with mitz, jess, cassie, and lisa.

taking a break from long ceremonies is helpful!

polaroids make every special occasion more fun!

i got the best hug of the year on friday!

another graduation followed by pirates of the caribbean 3. in addition to "pride and prejudice" and part of "ratatouille."

i scared phat's cat out of the room for the rest of the evening!

i went to the strawberry festival with lisa.

ate at the curry house with lisa and the fam.

hung out at downtown disney afterwards with lisa and ting boz and linh.

now i am recooperating and adjusting to the quiet.

2008-05-16T14:57:00.000-07:00

just a heads up, i am out of text messaging till May 23rd! so please call my phone or drop me an email.

other than that, i watched a midnight showing of "prince caspian" and it was fantastic! probably because i had no expectations at all and it kept me on the edge of my seat for most of the 2 hours and 20 minutes! yikes!!! :D but i couldn't get it out of my head when i tried to sleep so my fitful dreams were filled with the kings and queens of old. haha.

i leave for northern california sometime after my dance final on saturday. we're going to spend a day in tahoe camping and then hang for a bit before heading back down to southern california.

did i tell you how much i dislike heat waves? : /

i hope keiks has fun in maui for the wedding!

i hope mits is as proud as we all are of her when she walks on monday!

i'll see my sua family soon!

2008-05-13T12:22:00.000-07:00

Interesting facts from "Human Biology":

"Asia already has 56% of the world's population living on 31% of its arable (farmable) land. Therefore, Asia is expected to experience acute water scarcity, a significant loss of biodiversity, and more urban pollution. Twelve of the world's 15 most polluted cities are in Asia" (Mader, 523).

"In the water-poor areas of the world..., people may not have ready access to drinking water, and if they do, they water may be impure...actually, most fresh water is utilized by industry and agriculture. Worldwide, 70% of all fresh water is used to irrigate crops...Domestically, in the MDCs, more water is usually used for bathing, flushing toilets, and water lawns than for drinking and cooking" (525).

"Presently, about 6% of the world's energy supply comes from nuclear power, and 75% comes from fossil fuels; both of these are finite, nonrenewable sources" (528)

"Comparatively speaking, each person in the [Mostly Developed Countries (MDCs)] uses approximately as much energy in one day as a person in a [Lesser Developed Country (LDC)] does in one year" (528).

"Already, tropical rain forests have been reduced from their original 14% of landmass to the present 6%. Also, 60% of coral reefs have been destroyed or are on the verge of destruction; its [sic] possible that all coral reefs may disappear during the next 40 years" (531).

"If we want to preserve wildlife, it is more economical to save ecosystems than individual species" (533).

"Sustainability is, more than likely, incomptabile with the kinds of consumption/waste patterns currently practiced in the MDCs" (537).

For all the people who have become vegetarian or vegan for non-health related reasons, this section of my Human Biology book may provide insight as to why.

Domestic Livestock
" In the MDCs, many people tend to have more than enough protein in their diet. Almost two thirds of U.S. cropland is devoted to producing livestock feed. This means that a large percentage of the fossil fuel, fertilizer, water, herbicides, and pesticides we use are actually for the purpose of raising livestock. Typically, cattle are range-fed for about four months, and then they are brought to crowded feedlots where they receive growth hormone and antibiotics, while they feed on grain or corn. Most pigs and chickens spend their entire lives cooped up in crowded pens and cages.

If livestock eat a large proportion of the crops in the United States, then raising livestock accounts for much of the pollution associated with farming. Consider, also, that presently, fossil fuel energy is needed not just to produce herbicides and pesticides and to grow food, but also to make the food available to the livestock. Raising livestock is extremely energy-intensive in the MDCs. In addition, water is used to wash livestock wastes into nearby bodies of water, where they add significantly to water pollution.

...As a rule of thumb, for every 10 calories of energy from a plant, only 1 calorie is available for the production of animal tissue in a herbivore. In other words, it is extremely wasteful for the human diet to contain more protein than is needed to maintain good health. It is possible to feed ten times as many people on grain as on meant." (527)

2008-05-12T22:36:00.000-07:00

i know that bigger things are happening in the world right now: 22,000 people found dead in Myanmar after a deadly cyclone, at least 10,000 dead in the aftermath of a 7.8 earthquake in China...the list goes on!

but something burns inside of me tonight, a deep desire to reach out to you and make you feel exactly what i am feeling. somehow opening up and finding the right words. that will evoke the precise sentiments beating in my chest.

yet, a huge wall restricts me: a fear of being honest. i remember the last time i tried to express myself and how it backfired on me. and i ran far and away, hiding under my covers from the humiliation that would not leave me alone. and i vowed not to expose myself again.

that's the tricky thing though. creating and writing are subject to criticism and misinterpretation, and although i have written for a huge part of my life, i have hardly let my writing be judged; i hardly had an audience. so maybe i'll dedicate myself to working on "tender scrawls" so i can reach my 2009 deadline and finally open myself and my writing up. it'll be good for my ego. hopefully, i'll learn to take criticism.

so i bid you adieu, as i attempt one last time tonight to "study" for bio.

what was the feeling that i so desperately wanted you to feel?

tonight, i am sad.

can you feel it?

2008-05-12T11:42:00.000-07:00

what a nice way to end mother's week! i spent the day with mama wong! and it was loads of fun! including brunch at souplantation, exercise, slurpees, naps, shopping, and sushi! on saturday, i had dinner with my parentals and came back home to paint mama nguyen's toenails and fingernails!

i have my last bio exam tomorrow. sorta trying to study. it's not going well. but it does get my green blood pumping again. thus, i am listening to episode 148 of "more hip than hippie."

my ankle is hurting again: i guess dancing, more dancing, and walking doesn't help it. but all that activity definitely helped my body feel better!

i'm trying to figure out which song i will tackle next.

here's an excerpt from my textbook "human biology" by sylvia s. mader:

"Today, data collected around the world show a steady rise in the concentration of the various greenhouse gases [carbon dioxide, methane, etc]. These data are used to generate computer models that predict the Earth may warm to temperatures never before experienced by living things. The global climate has already warmed about 0.6[degrees]C [or 1.08 degrees F] since the industrial revolution. Computer models are unable to consider all possible variables, but the Earth's temperature may rise 1.5[degrees]C [or 2.7 degrees F] to 4.5[degrees]C [or 8.1 degrees F] by 2060 if greenhouse emissions continue at current rates."

Carbon dioxide in the atmosphere has increased from 280 parts per million (ppm) in 1850 to 350 ppm in 2006 due to the burning of fossil fuels (oil, natural gas, and coal). This means that every time we drive a car, ride in an airplane, use energy/electricity from a coal-burning power plant, we are pumping the gas into the atmosphere. And though carbon dioxide is a naturally occurring gas, the amounts that we have pumped into the atmosphere are not. And as the video I posted earlier stated, it's not the Earth we have to worry about (because it can take care of itself); it's the livelihood of all the species living on Earth including humans.

NEWS: Cell phones stay with their owner for about 18-24 months, which leads to about 125 million discarded cell phones a year in the US. Cell phones are quickly catching up with computers as the biggest category of e-wastes. What can you do? Check out Call2Recycle when you have a cell phone you have to get rid of and they will tell you where you can drop off your phone for recycling.

FUN: Weekly green horoscopes

Think globally. Act locally.

2008-05-11T01:28:00.000-07:00

life doesn't work out the way you plan.

you shouldn't miss out on someone because you're waiting for someone else.

relationships aren't just about feelings; they are also about what you can learn from them and the other person.

everyone can benefit from a gym class.

it's easy to get lazy about living a greener life; try to surround yourself with green (social group, podcasts, etc.) so that you don't lose the momentum.

rest your injury so it doesn't last longer than it should.

show those around you that you care, even if it's something small.

- just things that i needed to hear. maybe you could use it too...

2008-05-10T02:58:00.000-07:00

wow, this is my 701st post. last night, i decided that i would read my archives starting in march 2006. it was kinda crazy. but there was progress...

i really haven't been clubbing too many times. starting in 2004, i've been to... the boogie (gag), two in northern california, one in providence, v20, and the shark club. that makes a total of...6 occasions! oh, man.

i think i'm going to put my heart up for sale on craigslist. but before i do, any takers? haha.

go, santa ana saints! good luck next week!

i baked today. for my mom. and i shared the extras with friends. and though the cookie i made is the cookie i use to describe my soul, it's okay. i'm sure i'll find other pieces.

i thought i was done with these kinds of blogs but patron will do it to you every time!

2008-05-06T23:47:00.001-07:00

i went to the health center at school today! got an opinion about my ankle. i have a few more weeks before i start to do some exercises. but aleve and a warm compress are going to help me for the time being! how cool! free visits!

other than that, not much going on. i'm just numb. or on cruise control again. trying to stay focused (classes, health, family, friends, etc.) and positive! i really wish i could be active! but i gotta make sure this ankle gets as good as possible. dumb tendons and ligaments! get some blood!

watch "teenage love affair"!

Going Green Corner

ways to reuse your dryer sheets!

and if you don't know what to get for your mother this year...

2008-05-05T16:05:00.000-07:00

alicia keys was FANTASTIC! i now own two more of her albums. and wish i had a video camera for last night's performance. but i will have to hear her voice in my memories.

for mother's day this year, i am going to bake. no wasteful packaging or wrapping. just a lot of cushioning!

lucky to have a bff with great music taste!

2008-05-01T14:44:00.000-07:00

doo doo doo...

so when my mom leaves and goes out for the day, she'll leave behind these notes on the kitchen table. they range from asking me to do certain chores for her, what there is to eat in the refrigerator, etc. though they are cute, i often overlook them or pay no attention to them; i want to make my own eating decisions, mom!

but last night, after a nice day of taking my mom around for a belated birthday outing, i decided i was going to leave her a note! mostly because she was already asleep and i wouldn't see her before she left in the morning. this is what my note said: "mommy, have fun! good luck! <3, nina." i also drew a happy face in the empty space. i left it on the door that heads to the living room. i felt like a little kid. but then again, i love leaving and receiving notes! they always make my day! so why not leave one for my mom?

Going Green Corner

find things locally:
http://www.locallectual.com/
http://www.freecycle.org/

NEWS: ACE will recycle your compact fluorescent lamps (CFLs)!

interested in doing something to help?
take the may green challenge!
or read here for household items that you can reuse!

2008-04-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

oops! i forgot my mom's birthday! BIG oops! :/ so i'm going to take her out tomorrow, uyensday, for fun and joy! and i'm going to be the happy daughter she hasn't had so far. that should be more than sufficient! good food doesn't hurt either!

we talked about ecology today. in preparation for next week's final lecture on population ecology and conservation. i am looking forward to what my professor has to say then. but after class i talked to him. and he was saying that plane travel will change drastically in the decades to come because there will not be enough petroleum. and then it got me worried about the future. when i was going to ask him what he thought about the 2% initiative, he said that things aren't going to change until we see real problems and by then, "it'll be too late." so i left class feeling hopeless and scared. so much needs to be done but there is not enough support. after this past weekend's record temperatures, i don't want to know what it'll be like with a global temperature increase of 2 degrees. it doesn't sound like a lot but it'll be gross. [sigh]

speaking of records, one of the things i am trying to do is shorten my shower times. here are the times for the past days: sunday: 7 minutes. monday: 6 minutes. tuesday: 5 minutes. yay! i also have one of those shower heads that has a low-water setting!

5 ways to be a greener consumer

2008-04-28T22:58:00.000-07:00

i went to tonight's angels game versus the oakland a's. strange how i wound up there. especially because i was wearing green, hoping NOT to see the oakland a's fans in the stadium. [shrugs shoulders] while walking to the stadium, we passed by some tail-gaters and one of the men offered my friend and me a drink. and we waited around as the losers of some drinking game had to do a shotgun. interesting!

this heat is turning me into a sloth. i have no energy. i don't want to go outside. [sigh] summer is coming way too early. the world is heating up. poor polar bears and narwhals.

five ways to get your hands dirty for earth
great gifts for the eco-friendly