Monday, April 15, 2002

Maybe I loved too much. Maybe I scared him away. Maybe I'm reaping what I sow because of what I did to Fatal Boy.

"Was I too complacent? Too eager to please and conform to your authority? Am I turning out to be the character in THE JOY LUCK CLUB who I didn't want to turn out to be like? The one who only pleased the one she loved, because she felt her own love was worthless. And the only way she could compensate was by making him happy? Am I her? And are we like them? You bored of who I am trying to make you happy.He wanted to know what she wanted. Maybe you do too.

"So what is it I want? I want you to love me. For you to show me you love me and respect me and cherish me. I want you to feel and for me to feel and for it to be okay to feel it. I want to be yours for all of time. Like you said I would be. I want to marry the one that I planned my house with, planned my life with, planned to share myself with.

"But maybe it's too early. Or too late. Perhaps it's not time. Or never will be. Perhaps we will find each other again. "Time After Time." Or not. Perhaps our stars were ill-suited to find themselves next to each other. Or not. Maybe one day, you will miss me. Want to be with me. And I will be there, with my arms out. Maybe not.

"I wish you all the goodness this world can offer."

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