What Do I Want?

My friend, Mindy, asked me what I wanted in a romantic relationship with someone. And I did not have a clear answer for her. Why is that? Is it because I do not know what I want? Is it because I'm not supposed to expect anything from relationships because I am supposed to be happy with what comes along? Is that the way love works? Or am I supposed to know exactly what I want, but I just have no clue.

My fear in 9th grade was that I would end up old and alone...all by myself. And throughout the years, my bitterness and cynicism has led me to thoughts that I am destined to be alone. Throughout my life. That I am too complicated for anyone to want to hold on, but I am too picky to stay with someone who does want to. Maybe Mindy was right; maybe I need a confident guy to stabilize myself. But the guys that I have gone out with have been confident in themselves. All in different aspects, I am sure. But is she speaking of all around confidence? Because I am sure that the guys that I have dated have felt awkward in some aspects of their lives (and in some time of their life).

This does not make sense to me. So let me figure out what I've always wanted from my ideal partner...

Compassionate

Understanding

Loving

Caring

Intelligent

Handsome

Friendly

Romantic

Nice

Sweet
Now, what is it that I want now?

Possess the awareness that growth goes on long into your life

Open to new activities, new people, and new discoveries

Willingness to change

Willingness to conversate

Patient

Faithful

Possess the ability to get through my stubborness

Ability to compromise

Willingness to let me into his world and to partake in mine

Possess the awareness that we each should have our own lives but share one together

Hmm, and now...have what you want or want what you have?