the concept of school seems so secure

today, i laid down on the floor of a tennis court because i had strange yet painful cramps in both my front and back sides of the center of my body. as i lay wincing in pain i have hardly ever known, i thought of ellie, which made me think of the dvd i watched from the gift committee, which reminded me of my lost home, which reminded me that i haven't figured out anything, which reminded me of too many other things. everything hit me so hard that i cried and for the first time since the entire craziness that was the month of may. i figured it was my body's way of telling me that other things are wrong, like a wounded heart and a confused mind.

we shall see what else lies ahead. in the meantime, have patience that each new day is not a waste, bringing us closer and closer to the truth, to our truth.

i wanna be so much more than this