go go go, go you mighty rebels

ive written about my father once before. his teasing has yet to cease. his hands have not softened. and, i believe, his heart has not known comfort. to me, he seems so lonely. always keeping a shield up with his incessant teasing. hardly ever having a conversation with another person. it seems like he's kept himself hidden from the entire world. even when he tries to reach out to the only person he cares about, my mother, he won't or can't connect.

my brother has always been an enigma to me. his presence was always ghostly: like he was there but he wasnt. off in his own world. and there was a time when i was so mad at him because of the way he treated me that i didnt want to consider him my brother. but as the years have crept by and we've both grown up a bit, he keeps surprising me. i always wonder what lies beneath his surface. what makes him tick. what makes him happy. and i wonder how he sees me, even though we hardly know anything about each other. i want to support him and be his friend; i just dont know if our relationship will allow it.

it breaks my heart that they can't get along. that it had to come down to an explosion that led to my dad kicking my brother out of the house and my brother refusing to live under his roof. is it their stubbornness? is it their astrological signs? is it the lack of communication?

it's only the beginning of this battle so my outlook is pretty dim.

i hope that your heart's always warm