Waking up, I realize that every day will be harder, not the opposite.

And tears fall easier too.

My main concern is that space will inevitably lead to us not getting back together. Space will give him time to continue being the way he is. Space will pull us farther and farther apart. He will never change with space between us. He will just continue on the way he is without me. While I agonize without him.

I'm supposed to be able to function without him. But I can't. At least I can't now. It hurts to know that we won't be together anymore.

It feels the way it did after June 22. That week that I thought was one of the hardest things I had to go through. Here I am again. Only more painful. With more tears. And less comfort.

It feels like a war is taking place inside me. Nothing around me comforts me, solaces me. I am numb to all around me.

And now I am in Fatal Boy's position.


While he continues on with his life, as though nothing has really changed, I struggle to make it through every moment. In silence. In burning silence. That furthers the divide between me and humanity.

No hope in me.

But I suppose it's a good thing that we won't be enemies.

I just can't dry up. I don't think that I can face the world. I look horrible. And to every concerned heart I must turn my face away.

You can cry so hard that you have to puke. It's possible. I did it. Well except I wouldn't allow myself to puke.