all of the things that I want to say

so here's the thing. after my last post about not being totally hedonistic and then thinking about how all parents seem to worry, i realized that the best thing i can give my parents is peace of mind so that even if im in a crappy stage of life, i can't make them worry. i need to suck it up and make it seem like i'm okay, even if i feel like my life is falling apart. that's what they need so they can live for them.

dumb, why do emotions have to affect other people so darn much? couldn't i just cry and not make another person witnessing it feel bad? ah hah, if i start crying, i must leave the room. but that doesn't help either. argh...

just aren't coming out right