"if you're lost, you can look and you will find me, time after time."

once i knew these lyrics would always be true. now, it seems impossible.

eight and a half years ago, i fell in love. and i believed that we would make it through and that we would end up together. though we had rough patches and he wasn't ready to commit and i wasn't healthy and we could hardly communicate, he was my all and i wanted him to always be.

but the story wasn't perfect.

a year and some odd months after being officially apart, though estranged and hardly a part of each other's lives, it continues to be hard to move on. pesky facebook updates poured salt into my wounds. a couple of chance encounters left me crying for hours. you'd think that all of the hardships and the obvious incompatibility and R&R would be evidence enough that it wasn't working out and that i should let go but apparently, it isn't that easy.

i know i'll finally move forward when i can let go of that strong hope of him being the one. that unwavering optimism in my first love. the notion that i can have a happily ever after with him.

because it seems we've run out of time.