I just feel empty today. I don't really have anything to say. But I wanted to talk. To somebody. Or in my case, to something.

Driving my mother around today, I wasn't there. I wasn't with her. I couldn't be with her. My mind was elsewhere. Where, I can't pinpoint. But I was thinking of him. And I was thinking of what he's doing with his life.

Getting over. Moving on. Filling holes. I can't do that now. I don't want to let him go. If I let him go any bit, I will move on and not be able to go back. Or, at least, I think so. From patterns in my relationships. But maybe that was only true because I wasn't in love. Maybe now that I do love, it'll stay with me, in me, like everyone says it does.

My heart is ruptured. All the blood is streaming out in strange directions. No order. Chaos. And I do nothing about it. Nothing but urge it on and destroy it even more.

A) We stay.
B) We move.

1) You learn to treat me how I want to be treated.
2) I learn how to accept your kind of love.

i.) I sleep.
ii.) I read.

a.) I place studying at the top of my priorities.
b.) I accept lower grades.

I am tired more often. Maybe to ease the hurt I feel when I am awake. I must go fall into the darkness that comforts the emptiness in my heart.