so this is the new year and i dont feel different

You
will see
me fall when
I no longer care
to live this
life so
alone.


ive said this before, realized this before. but it always come back and compels me to write about it. that in the end, we are always alone. at the end of the night, we are alone. even if there is someone sleeping besides us. we fall asleep alone. at the end of high school, we embark from those gates alone to our new endeavors, unless there are some we know who go with us. when college ends, we walk down the aisle alone. when we go to work, we go to work by ourselves. so that by the time we die, we die alone. so why do i continue to have this illusion that i am not? is it some inner longing to belong with other human beings that leaves me unsatisfied in the end? because when i think i have company, good company, i always come back to feeling alone. maybe i need a new way of thinking: that being alone is not a bad thing. that i should go against my human nature, the one that makes me a social creature, and just live in my loneliness. turn it into solitude. because solitude is not supposed to be that bad. right?

i know im overreacting. and there are moments to be alone and moments to be with people. but tonight is one of those nights where i wanted to be with people but it just didnt work. so i am going to be like this. because when something goes wrong, something else goes wrong and something else goes wrong. so you start waiting for things to go wrong. and when it doesn't, you're highly surprised because you truly believed that something wrong would happen but you get something mild or nice. expectations play a big part in life, dont they?

dont think what you are feeling.