you're all i know, i can't let go

newness is exciting. but i've lived such a sheltered, safe life that i avoid newness like it's some sort of bubonic plague. i don't know why else i'd be so afraid of the new, besides my fear of not being perfect for other's expectations and my highly held values of stability and comfort. but the story of my life is finding comfort and keeping it consistent in my life. i haven't minded my stagnation. my lack of growth. my wandering around in circles within my small kingdom.

but don't they say that safety is just an illusion? if so, i've been living in a dream for the past 21 years, one where i make myself believe that my life is exactly the way it should be and that i'm safe where i'm at. i fool myself into believing that i need nothing more while my spirit tells a different story. i can feel it in my breath and my steps that i'm lacking. but what is missing? appreciation for what i have? a greater truth in life? excitement? passion for some cause?

i'm just gonna have to throw myself out there into the endless ocean of possibilities and suck up my fears. because...

there's gotta be more to life