i never thought that i had trust issues. i saw it plague my friends around me, as they kept people at bay and stopped themselves from fully experiencing relationships. but i understood why they did not let people into their hearts; they had been hurt before and didn't want to feel it again. but i was not afraid of hurting.

recently, i had an intense conversation with a good friend. and i started to piece together why i have had trouble sharing my feelings and concerns: i have not always felt that what i had to say would be safe with the other person. in awe, i tried to think of the people that i have had a track record of completely opening up to and there were only a handful. in my lifetime. and then it dawned on me that this fear of being emotionally rejected or not accepted has kept me from saying what i really feel and think, and ultimately, not trusting.

on a lighter note, i need to control my retail therapy. and cook.