its only the fourth day of the year, and my hope has already faded. maybe its because ive been feeling under the weather and physically. maybe its due to the fact that the more times i commit to changing myself, the more times i am disappointed by my own will and inability to summon the courage to follow through. is there something wrong with change? are habits too difficult to change? maybe i am just falling back into the old pattern. i need to redirect my energies towards positivity. thats a start.

im glad that he notices my pauses and quirms. because if he didnt, i would have to be a lot more aggressive. or assertive. its funny to try to have a conversation while you are being tickled. which by the way, id forgotten how fun it is. not too many people have tickled me in the past years.

my brother left today to return to his home. it was two fun filled weeks of having the whole family together. and we werent at each others' throats, yelling in unison. i spent much time with my brother: we went to the book store, shared late night fast food snacks, stopped at brookhurst jhs to take pictures, and shopped at target. we also spent our slow evenings, reading/writing in my room, lavishing in each other's presence. it was nice. soon, my other brother will leave to japan. its his 3 months to be gone and my three to take care of the home front. funny how we reposition ourselves. for new situations. for other people.

maybe if we all realized that our ways of doing things and living lives is no better than anyone else, we would not have so much conflict.

am i a typical person? am i typical orange county? am i typical female? am i typical vietnamese-american? ive worked so hard not to be that im not sure anymore...and if so, why am i with a typical kind of guy?

less than 100 pages of da code. excitement. but i wonder how it can end. its been such a ride so far. i wonder if its possible to wrap up. hmph.

no tengas miedo ni duda.