with you, i fall so fast

second worst feeling in the world, following feeling lonely around other people, is fitful sleep. lying in bed, waiting for your alarm to go off so you can grudgingly go through your day upset that you could not sleep and groggy from your bad sleeping experience.

i can tell when i will have bad days when i wake up at odd times of the day.

so i know i couldn't sleep because im stressing over some news that i heard that i have not been able to confirm yet. i guess the uncertainty is hurting me. and the belief that it is true. although "there is beauty in the breakdown." although, in a weird way, its kinda helping me too, in terms of thinking outside my limited box. he says that our accredidation will not be retroactive. this means (1) my GRE class is a waste of time; (2) i might have to go back to get another bachelor's; (3) if i'm too lazy to do 2, i have to find a job; (4) im moving out of state to portland; (5) im moving out of the country to mexico; or (6) ill open a flower shop or become an emt.

and i havent talked to the boy in 4 days or heard from the bff. i miss you. hope everything is alright. and you're settling in to your new situation.

but this is life. and this is it. might as well just go with it, get swept up in it. not care too much. whatever happens will happen regardless of whether or not i stress or freak out. why not take the chill road? im tired of being uptight about school...

i wish you were here