you're never gonna find your way

as i find myself interested in new people in my life, i recognize the fact that i need a clean slate. i need to be able to move forward without keeping one foot in the past. if i don't, it will be like i didn't learn anything this past year...

with the last person i was attracted to, i kept missing the signs and signals, the hidden meanings and nuances; i was too distracted with my hectic life. i also hadn't moved on from my previous relationship; when i finally had, it was because i realized my unhappiness was a by-product of my dissatisfaction and both of us were suffering. but my timing was off and, ultimately, i missed my chance.

i don't want that to happen again.

i'm not over him yet. the last year i've been traveling down the road of heartache and not until recently did i find the road of healing. but while laying in bed this morning, i realized that i couldn't keep holding on because what i've been holding has been hopes and fantasies, all fabricated and unreal. i finally made sense of the signs and hints of rejection from moooonths back. i've either been very stupid or very meek. whichever it's been, i'm happy that i wasn't proud.

i've never been able to figure him out. i had a difficult time decoding the signs of interest and i had a rough time with rejection. i guess sometimes you can meet someone who seems to be a perfect match, except for the part where he/she doesn't fit into your life.

so when my back foot finally breaks free, i will move forward without regret or hope.