through the years, we all will be together if the fates allow

i hear the sound of the song soothing away at the clots and dams. but it does nothing for this lonely heart that beats weakly under my brittle chest. i knew the time would come when everything i was cramming into my days would explode within me. and now that it has, i do not know where to go. i realize that this is as important as the happiness and jubilation, but it does not stop me from ruminating. do i get rid of the stressors? do i minimize the commitments? if i do, will that change anything? or will i just pick up new activities and stressors? it is all too perplexing for me this evening.

on top of it all, the heavy feeling of loneliness that has settled within me is ravenous. reminds me of when i used to crawl underneath tables when i was desperate for comfort, protection, or both. but the available tables now are not very available. kind of like all the people in my world right now. i scan my venues of communication, as they all sit idly. this is nothing new. the traits of a quiet night. but how i long for the company of a breathing, living human being. or maybe a big dog that i could speak spanish to.

and all i can do is sing this song