Sometimes, I feel like I allow myself to get taken advantage of. I feel like I allow people to trample over me and my wishes. Take UG.

What I want is to be with him...well, I used to think that. But what happens instead? We are weird friends. Am I just allowing myself to be fooled by whatever I feel for him to control the situation at hand? Gee.

I wanted to write. But apparently I do not want to anymore. Not because of the subject. But just because I have suddenly become very tired. My eyes are quite heavy. But I cannot sleep now.

Everything in moderation. It is all about balance. There is no happiness. There is no sadness. When everything is balanced, everything just feels the same. And for now that is what I need. For now, that can get me through the life I live today.

What happens when a heart so hurt locks itself up and never allows anyone new to come in?

I think the reason why UG feels like we should give ourselves time to experience other things in life is more or less for me than it is for him. It just seems like he knows what he wants. But I do not think he thinks I know what I want, since I have been in several relationships. So this is a buffer zone. Only, I am still too attached to him to be able to be with other guys. I still feel too much for him.

Writing just takes the pain out of my head. I transfer the hurt that my thoughts cause me to this blog or to paper, and the pain is alleviated. Not gone. But I begin to face the problem and it lightens the load. How true these age old saying are. But how hard they all are to follow.

Given the fact that substance has left me, I shall attempt to fill this pool with whatever is left in me. Please forgive me, for my coping with life is more passive and quiet than other tactics. I bid you adieu and wish that all the stars are shining down on you to light these very dark nights.