well here i am, don't know how to say this

i feel like the more i am where i am, the more rushed i feel and the less sleep i get. my mind keeps wandering back to where i was a year ago, somewhere so close yet so far away from the everyday hassles and responsibilities of here. i miss the carefree, living-in0-the-moment, simple days of mexico and my experience studying abroad. i wanted so much to return to my life in the states and apply that mindset here. but i have failed.

i read about jo's life and i marvel at how beautiful life can be.

i know that my life can be beautiful and i know that the title of my journal seems to reinforce that. but i feel like im chasing after a way of life that can never be mine. and i am my own obstacle. me and my indefinite mind of negativity.

i like the feeling in my chest when the day is finally over and i can rest my weary body in my bed. i fill my thoughts with the happy moments and i drift off into a worry-free, relaxing world.

your hair is everywhere, screaming infidelities.