Status Report for 2 August:

Why does asking to be friends hurt so much? I see that I am crying. Grr...argh.

And now something that Zerlina is haunting me: it only gets worse before it gets better. Maybe that's what this is.

A friend's advice:

TwoFold Way: when one is so deeply involved with another..
TwoFold Way: like you were (i assume)...
TwoFold Way: it becomes hard to bear any thoughts of the other being with someone else..
TwoFold Way: it puts great strains on your heart/mind/body...
TwoFold Way: and seeing that person only makes it worse...
TwoFold Way: longing for someone... who you were so close to so recently...
TwoFold Way: and seeing them often...
TwoFold Way: they're so close... but so far...
TwoFold Way: and it kills you.
TwoFold Way: losing that person.. is unbearable.
TwoFold Way: it WILL drive you insane.
TwoFold Way: and it WILL cause you to do things that you wouldn't normally do.
TwoFold Way: say things to them...
TwoFold Way: unkind words.. or whatever.
TwoFold Way: nonetheless.. the point is.
TwoFold Way: seeing him.. will end up...
TwoFold Way: with a lot of strain and stress on your relationship with him.
TwoFold Way: and the worst thing is... if he isn't responsive..
TwoFold Way: it'll just push him further away..
TwoFold Way: my opinion of this.
TwoFold Way: is to just walk away
TwoFold Way: if he misses you, and understands what he had,
TwoFold Way: he'll come back.
TwoFold Way: if he doesn't..
TwoFold Way: well, that's his stupidity and there's nothing you can do about it.

But what about the movie I saw? Love has no fear. Love is eternal. In the end, the fear will disappear. Or how love is so great? Am I just running away? Saving myself from unnecessary pain. Taking the simple way out? But don't I want to know if love was there? Cuz love will bring us back? Cuz I should have faith in our relationship? Hah?!!

This is all about time. Dammit. Dammit.

Two almost good days. And today. I wonder if this bad stuff will go on for a stretch? AHHHHHHHHHHHHCK! FINE!!!!!!!! I'LL DEAL!!!!!!!!! FREAKIN'!!!!!!!!