huacos to fill

in spanish american civilizations, we learned about the incan culture and how they have a huaco for everything, from food to decoration. they are made with different shapes and different designs and different colors. so its easy for me to feel that everyone and every responsibility that is in my life is a huaco. and i merely serve as the liquid that is poured in, filling its shape, going with its every nook and cranny. yes, this makes me quite flexible. but in the process, i stop caring about my own form and what i am.

i thought about the people in the world who have high-paying jobs who hardly do much while i watch my father's body wither away from all the rigorous motions and repeated tasks he has done for the past two decades. the former get to plan vacations and have a sitter come watch their dog while the latter worries about his failing health yet continues to wake up at 4 every morning to get going.

i want to cry. maybe i already am.