i keep trying to figure out how to be happy while at school. some restricting feeling tackles me and forces me to obey its rules of behavior and engagement. i get up off the field, dumbfounded that someone was even playing with me, determined to follow my own game plan in order to affirm my own plays to achieve happiness. but somewhere amidst all the excitement and adventure, i think back to that last tackle. i dont know what the rest of the game will be like because i had no real game plan so i listen to the restricting feeling.

i shun away from my potential.

but this evening, i did read like 44 pages of textbook for psychology. the self and identity. it is so interesting. so fun. cause its everything ive ever been interested in. but i square someone not taking the class looking at the literature would think that anyone reading it was crazy. hah! there you go judging me again... please, let us all stop the insanity and move on with our lives.

but back to that school thing, i really feel relief when i start my journey to go home. i cant put my finger on what it is but i think it has something to do with the collective group of students at school. i think i do alienate myself but there is something intensely intimidating about a group of people who all share the same values and mindsets. i dont feel like i can really open up. its probably because im so used to the life i lived before, just like the collective is, that i dont want to let go of what i know. it doesnt hurt that school is so close to home and i can frequently pull myself away from school to head towards home.

how can you be happy where youre at?