looks like morning in your eyes

i started the day, suddenly awake in my bed, with the tears still hot on my cheeks, feeling lonely and ashamed.

maybe i should have known not to get out of bed.

my lack of success at re-emersing myself in this culture was startling. but at the same time, it is comforting to reach out to people who are experiencing it right now. it scares me that i havent actually been social, that i cant point out someone that i have hung out with at school. but my days are filled with uncertainty, as i try to slow down this fast-paced life.

maybe i have grown and become more confident. the nature of my relationships has slightly changed with others. with my parents, with some friends, and with my boyfriend. there is less rash behavior. maybe im less rash.

::shrugs shoulders::

one day i will find myself thirty, paying off my house, hopefully in a job/career that i finally settled on, cooking up delicious meals, biking or jogging regularly during the week, dressed in a jcrew-y style with various intriguing and comfortable articles, taking regular evening trips to the easily accessible beach, and sharing in the company of my loved ones.

maybe im tripping cuz i havent been to the beach since i returned to the states.

::screams::

it all makes sense now...