i know we swore it was forever but it hurts too much to stay around

something happened. and i cant explain it. this morning i woke up and couldnt go back to sleep, so i called zerlina and thien. and after talking to zerlina, i felt ready to smile and enjoy my life through the tear stained cheeks. but i cant hold up for that long without any strength beneath the surface.

when i am in a state of depletion after feeling a certain emotion, i cannot connect to other people. mostly because i will end up becoming emotional and by that point, i just dont want to do it anymore. at least thats what happened today. i could feel the void between me and other people but i couldnt do anything to bridge it. i came home and just didnt talk to my parents; i just wanted to hide away in my room. could this mean that i feel ashamed of something? but i held my catten, and she made me feel better. yay! she wont say things to make me feel worse. and holding her feels like im being held. i dont know how.

i wanted to buy coldplay's "parachutes" but i realized i cant be spending money on things i just dont need. especially because my bank account is depleting rapidly.

i should sleep because i didnt sleep well this past week.