#2: talking to someone

there's always been tension with this person. it doesn't help that we're both sensitive. and doesn't help that she's often passive-aggressive and i can be as well. today i had to talk to her, and i could have emailed her. but i wanted to be courteous and to me, asking in person was better.

i waited. for the right moment. the perfect time.

and then it presented itself. and i asked. and she didn't last out at me. and she was courteous and nice about it.

and then i felt lighter and the fear dissolved.

#1: today's fear: handing over an envelope.

my dissatisfaction had been building up and for most of my time at my current job. sometime last month, i had this dream that startled me and left me ready to truly do something. finally last week saw action--i finally told my supervisor where i was and what i had been dealing with; she surprised me by telling me that she wanted to keep me if she could but she would have to talk to the uppers. on monday, she told me there were no other options. so today i wrote my letter and sealed it in an envelope in the morning. that envelope sat on my desk for hours as i worked on other projects. it was time to leave and i sat. and sat. staring at the envelope. i asked for support from a friend, even though i knew what i was supposed to do. i was just frozen in fear.

finally, and i have no idea what changed in me, i asked to meet with her. i sat down and told her that i had made a decision and handed her the envelope.

and then i was free.