i love you, anh ba. estoy aqui, para ti.

but in reality im slowly losing my mind

i am settling in
to my own mind
and body.
like i just got
a new lease on
myself.
dont matter if
you dont approve
of it.
cuz in the end
im the one who
has to wake up
and face myself
each day, not you.

chim chimney, chim chimney

we live like its the latest attraction

im convinced that we blog because we know that others read it. because inside we all want to me amateur writers. we want to have a following.

either that, or we just want to feel connected to people, when our own situations make us feel cut off from people who get us. so we create these postings in a vulnerable attempt to explain ourselves so that someone, even if its just some make-believe audience, may understand what we're going through.

so that when someone comments about something you've blogged about, you feel validated. vindicated. because (1) someone IS indeed reading your writings and/or (2) someone gets it or gets you.

am i drowning you out

bitter blues

a numbness has wrapped itself
like glue around me
leading to the blues
that bites my bones

song that best describes where im at in life:
something's missing by john mayer

i wish i could...
bend and not break

what i believe love is like
ordinary people by john legend

stuck to this physical world
like an open-ended string to a membrane

ghastly...ghostly

sua

soka
Originally uploaded by imzwongi.

i know i will miss sua more than i can fathom it now. not for what i learned or what i didn't make of it, but for the experiences i had over my 4 years and for the people with whom my heart danced through the up-beat kicks and the down-side talks. you know.

will you marry me...

haha...hahah...i am a hecka smart, science braniac who cusses like i got cottonmouth all over my dirty mouth. hahaha... please tooo funny...

sometimes i get really tired of everything i have to do so i have to get away from it all. me holding on to the days where i was free of responsibilities and "knowing any better." but maybe its because of how everything has become so motorized and how we see time as something to be saved instead of wasted. well, what if sitting around doing nothing is not a waste of my time? hmph.

tomorrow, i take care of biznizz. tonight, i rest.

please, god, let me wake up in time for breakfast.

dedicated to a man of eloquent words

we grow the boba on the farm
then we harvest the boba
then we eat it

word up, mang!

you're like day and i'm like night

3rd dream: i died. and was wrapped up in one those body bags. but then i came back to life (like i was teleported and had a 2nd copy of me) and i was laying next to my dead body. but it wasn't scary. i just thought it odd that there were 2 of me.

i cant get up before 10am anymore. no tengo ganas.

it sucks to be under 21

i am thinking its a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images

im up because i had a nightmare again. i guess it wasnt that bad, compared to last's week, but i cant get myself to fall back asleep. it was sort of a twist on an episode of "without a trace."

:sigh:

so let me try to distract myself. i watched a trailer that the boy made for me two falls ago. im thinking of looking over physics. no one's online. no one has blogged since last night, at least i dont think (yup). i think my right eye is getting weaker. its cold.

:sigh:

i wish you were here

good vibrations

they say its never too late. but isnt it possible that youve run out of time and you cant make up for lost time? thats what i realized yesterday. its almost over and i didnt let many people get to know me. so i kept myself from putting myself out there. and ill be forgotten as one of those quiet nice types. but i have to be okay with that because it was my decision. and as time ticks away, change is inevitable, as i watch friends slip away, ideals fade into the horizon, and hopes dissolve into the atmosphere.

we'll see where we go to next. who will enter our lives afterwards. who will remain with us. and what we will make of ourselves.

in the meantime, i must forge ahead, keep at the immediate goals and tasks.

im getting tired and i need somewhere to begin

im like a beggar

it seems like the end of an era is coming. something's going to have to change soon. and my psyche is preparing for it. it has already given me the first sign.

in other news, i want to be "athletic" again. it's been a good 6 years since ive thought of myself in that capacity. but i think it's highly probable. and ive already started. being active just gives me less time to dwell on life and love and friendships and family and problems and self-improvement. so instead of thinking so much, im just going to swim or walk or take up a martial art. im tired of being physically and mentially weak. i must take back my strength.

lesson learned: don't give up what you love to make more time for things you dislike. you need balance and a good dose of what you enjoy.

when i look in your eyes, i can feel the butterflies

then you said "go slow"

funny things i heard: "you have really asian hair!" and "those are ass pants."

surprise visit from: the easter bunny yesterday!

grateful for: participants in my study.

had fun at: the senior ball onboard the destiny.

i made someone happy by: saying "ass".

from last night: senior ball

never fall in love with a man that dont love you