Thursday, September 29, 2005

don't push us cuz we're close to the edge

in the two hours that i have been listening to music today, one song has already aired 3 times on the radio on different radio stations: "my boo" by usher and alicia keys.

we're trying not to lose our heads

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

does anyone know of a good piercing/tattoo parlor in orange county or surrounding counties? please comment if you do...

didn't i blow your mind this time?

sleepiness and cold medicine = unpleasant dreams.

i woke up at 5am from a nightmare too elaborate for me to explain in detail. but let's just say that the first half was like a movie, with bruce willis and jodie foster to boot, where my dad and his partner mischieviously take out the famous people for a load of illegal drugs. they get caught and taken away by a long line of police. my brothers and i await them in a small lodge on a small road. while waiting, i see a hummer come down from the sky and land on the small road. my brothers kill the lights in the lodge so we can all spy on what's going on outside. and then laser beams shoot all over the room scanning for any objects, as we try to avoid them. sheesh! try sleeping through that one!

i feel like my life up until now has been easy; but i feel like the next part will be difficult and trying as i build something of my own.

i can't remember other people's feelings when i'm crying; i get too caught up.

i'm not as patient as i once thought.

i don't have anything i'm passionate about and it makes for a life chasing after something to which i can hold onto.

i dislike being awake when the sun comes up.

my arms are cold, i should go back to sleep now...

didn't i?

Sunday, September 25, 2005

dragon days

a line from a korean song struck me: "since I am a girl, to whom love is everything."

today, i found myself thinking that i've changed, "that i didn't used to be this way." in my past relationships, i was not that attached, i did not dote. i was always the one wanting more space to spend time with friends, always the one who seemed more indifferent with my discretion with feelings and affection. but "love" changed that for me. i didn't realize it when it happened, but i have been that girl who loved too much, so desperate to love and be loved. making love so important, above all else. then again, maybe i always was.

and the fire's hot

Saturday, September 24, 2005

what i am looking forward to the most during this upcoming season:
wearing my pink vest again!!!

Thursday, September 22, 2005

when you left, i lost a part of me

recently, i've had this feeling that i'm lost about my life. with the slow weaning of friends, i've been thinking that i'm a failure because most everyone has left, is studying, or working. feeling stuck and frightened is a terrible feeling.

but tonight, while driving aimlessly (even though gas prices are not great) away from my problems, i actually found myself lost in the physical sense. through the dark and unfamiliar streets, i navigated around making turns based on information that i had stored somewhere in my brain. when i realized that i made a mistake, i turned around and went the other way. finally, i found myself back on the freeway.

so what i learned was this: even though i feel lost about my life in general, like tonight's experience, i will find a way to navigate through the unknown and unfamiliar. i just have to choose some, any, road and make some turns. if i find that i have made a mistake, i can take another route. because in most cases, i will find my way home.

post script: when i'm with him, it's like i'm home.

it's still so hard to believe

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

here's to us all!

hope, uyen, and love

we drank that whole thing!

aww, how cute


oh my gosh!

listen to your heart

things have been interesting in this part of the world. ive been doing the jobsearch thing, going to the gym, watching "felicity", etc. i also went to philadelphia, was disrupted by last night thunderstorm, and been short-tempered with my dad.

highlights from the philly trip:
  • walking around at night after 10pm with people out and places open
  • hanging out on the rooftop of our hotel room
  • love park
  • meeting armin and gwen
  • my first slim jim
  • elfreth's alley
  • the bomb scare at independence hall
  • h&m
  • dinner at vietnam
  • the flaming volcano
  • a bagel and cream cheese
  • taking a picture with gael

    when i was in mexico, there would be rolls of thunder so strong that it shook the house, in the middle of the night or day. for a lass from southern california, it was quite a startling experience. at night i would lie in bed, listening as the rolls took over my thoughts and helped distract me from sleep. and now, when thunder rumbles throughout the night, my instinct is to crawl into the earth and imagine that i am not separate but united with the forces of nature.

    there's nothing else you can do

  • Friday, September 16, 2005

    can't sleep...have to be up in two hours...what to do...

    Monday, September 12, 2005

    it's still so hard to believe

    fall has arrived in the county of oranges. with the cooler nights and slowly withering leaves goes my spirit. without the warmth and cloudless skies, i do not want to venture out as much (or as little) as i used to. i wonder how i will spend these next several months...

    where's the motivation?

    come back, baby, please

    Monday, September 05, 2005

    im sorry for the things that turned out this way

    i couldn't sleep and i thought that it was because of the dancing dwarf story but it's not. it's because i don't want to sleep alone. i'm afraid of losing part of me when i do. but if i had someone here with me, then they could save "it" if anything were to slip away. they could save me.

    i wish i knew the words i needed to say