today's note:

should we stay or should we go?

a vice president of something at my chase branch gave me some sound advice about how to know if one should stay at a job or not, but i think it can be used in any situation.

here are the 3 criteria. if at least 2 apply, you should stay. if not, you should go.

1. you enjoy yourself.
2. you learn something.
3. it takes you closer towards your goals.

today's note:

i've been thinking about how people can come into your life and have a huge role and then something happens and they leave you as if they were never in your life at all. and though i understand that the nature of the universe is impermanent, i am still learning how to accept this. to me, it makes me question why they even came into my life. but i don't always have the answers and i can't always see the point because of my limited wisdom. so i just miss him or her, hope for the best for that person, and then move along through the moments that continue to make up my life.

today's note:

how to dress with just 6 pieces (women)

today's note:

"patience is an understanding. an understanding that transcends the 'limitations' of the moment...patience is a kind of trust. a trust that does its part and holds the rest lightly in an open palm...and patience is a kind of acceptance. an acceptance that allows for doubt...patience is a kind of love. a love that is its own explanation in bewildered circumstance." - Pavithra Mehta

#2: talking to someone

there's always been tension with this person. it doesn't help that we're both sensitive. and doesn't help that she's often passive-aggressive and i can be as well. today i had to talk to her, and i could have emailed her. but i wanted to be courteous and to me, asking in person was better.

i waited. for the right moment. the perfect time.

and then it presented itself. and i asked. and she didn't last out at me. and she was courteous and nice about it.

and then i felt lighter and the fear dissolved.

#1: today's fear: handing over an envelope.

my dissatisfaction had been building up and for most of my time at my current job. sometime last month, i had this dream that startled me and left me ready to truly do something. finally last week saw action--i finally told my supervisor where i was and what i had been dealing with; she surprised me by telling me that she wanted to keep me if she could but she would have to talk to the uppers. on monday, she told me there were no other options. so today i wrote my letter and sealed it in an envelope in the morning. that envelope sat on my desk for hours as i worked on other projects. it was time to leave and i sat. and sat. staring at the envelope. i asked for support from a friend, even though i knew what i was supposed to do. i was just frozen in fear.

finally, and i have no idea what changed in me, i asked to meet with her. i sat down and told her that i had made a decision and handed her the envelope.

and then i was free.

"stress is just a fearful reaction to life's changes."

birthmonth has been well, even if i got sick during my birthday. pizza and hockey game (times 2), wine-tasting, resort stay, sitting by the pool, cards, presents, well wishes, flowers. chill but superb!

my brother thien returns to the country today. what is in store for us!?

post-"valentine's day" blog.

i just watched "valentine's day" and it was okay. my favorite story was julia roberts'! but all those relationships and stories have led me to want to share the following.

i'm really annoyed with myself when i start to freak out and jump to conclusions when someone in my life doesn't respond to my efforts of communication. it could be a friend, a family member, or someone that i'm romantically involved with -- whoever is involved, the quiet stresses me out and i start to piece together what could have happened. i think, "maybe i did something to make them upset" and then i scan my memory for every detail! or i'll worry about if something bad happened if i haven't heard from him/her. then when i find out that it was nothing, the anti-climatic nature upsets me. it's probably just my ego flaring up because all my concern was wasted on fabrications in my head.

does this happen to anyone else? leave me a comment.

"let's get naked."

i don't know what happens, but sometimes, a wave of heaviness washes down on me without a reason and without an identifiable cause. i can't breathe and i start to weep. it is so powerful that i lose track of everything else in my life. i can discern that it is depression and luckily, it doesn't last for too long. but the lasts few times it's happened, it comes around the time of something bad happening to people i know or a catastrophe for people around the world.

metta for always. metta forever.

ps: happy birthday, violin.

define yourself.

uyen nguyen/noun/feminine: pisces-aries cusp, boar, daughter, sister, friend. one who is often absorbed in fear, denial, and obligation; whose faith inspires you to believe; whose soul is made up of emotions and music; who is learning to affect her thoughts, feelings, and actions instead of being controlled by them; who has met three soulmates; who finds beauty in fragility and simplicity; who always smiles when she sees flowers; who yearns to express herself genuinely.

Happy birthday to the November 2nd people in my life!


Here's a quick update on me and my life:

Work is going fine -- we had our annual fundraiser this past Friday and it was successful. I'm also underway at 5 of my school sites.

I have been continuing with yoga and meditation, including a meditation group.

I have been sticking to my "dessert-and-hence-refined-sugar-once-a-week" regime.

I love "Glee."

I am trying to catch up on all of my "Ugly Betty."

I have been writing.

The bff comes into town today!

My brother is doing well as a monk in Thailand! And my other brother is preparing for winter in Japan.

I just wattched, "Once" and have "Milk," "Serendipity," and "Under the Tuscan Sun" left on my queue.

Here's to a beautiful week! Cheers!

An Organization/Resource that I Love that Needs Help!

I went to a Girls Circle training in December of 2008 and it gave me the strong foundation for how to facilitate a group for young women (which is my job) and people in general -- the basic but unfamiliar idea that each person is the ONLY expert in his/her life and as facilitators, we ask the right questions to help each person answer his/her own questions. No matter how much we tell someone what they should or should not do, this does not empower them or supply them with the tools they need to make their own decisions.

So when I saw that Girls Circle Association needed help, I wanted to help with a donation but also to spread the word. Although this video doesn't explain exactly what they do (you'd have to go to a training or take a look at their manuals/curricula), I have a cameo early on! If you'd like to get more information about the organization, check out Girls Circle.

to my dearest volleyball,

fifteen years have passed since the fateful day that we met on the tar court of my elementary school and i have to admit, i fell in love with you from the first moment. we got acquainted slowly and we had a good connection, but i didn't think much of it. i was young and i was still looking around: i hung out for a couple of years in junior high school with your enemy tennis. but when i went into high school, i had to choose. when i thought of it, it really came down to love: it was you -- it had always been you. so i dedicated my mind, body, and soul to you, learning and growing alongside you on those gymnasium floors that burned and scarred me. i endured it all with my loyalty and passion in tact.

when i had to take a break, you understood and let me go as i suffered with those AP classes. i wish i hadn't: i was lonely and unhappy without you. my one biggest regret in life to this day was not staying with you my junior and senior year of high school -- i always wonder, had i stayed with you, would we have gotten more serious, could we have made a life together?

as it happened, we came back into each others' lives a couple of years later, when i began college. it was really casual; i wasn't ready to commit to much. i had been away from you for so long, i didn't know what to expect. we were on again, off again and as life happened, we lost touch with each other.

it wasn't until a phase of my life that i like to call my "hedonistic days" that we reunited. oooh! it was so intense and fulfilling and you really made my days more complete! i even introduced you to many of my friends -- i thought, "this might be it."

i don't know why life happens the way it does in terms of timing and misaligned chances but things started to get real bad real quickly. i don't know what i had done to you, but you hurt me. and not just once -- twice! i had never known such pain before: there were times i would lie in bed unable to move, unable to live. i tried to get help but as everything came up short, i soon realized i had to just let time do its healing.

it's been months now since we've last been in touch. i'm sorry that it's been so long. i needed the time and space to clear my mind. here goes.

you were my first and only love. i gave you everything i had. but there are several reasons why i must move on: 1)the pain you caused me still haunts me, 2) i can't trust you, 3) we've grown apart, 3)i'm not growing in our relationship anymore, 4)i get effort migraines when i'm near you, and 5)i'm not happy.

i cherish every moment we've shared -- i would take nothing back. but here is where it ends, volleyball.

good bye.

say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime

movies i've seen...

"time traveler's wife"

"500 days of summer"

"my blueberry nights"

"harry potter and the half-blood prince"

"sunshine cleaning"

movies to see...

"paper heart"

"the phantom of the opera"

"speak"

"adam"

"pan's labryinth"

i bought a plant and i have some fresh cut irises sitting on my desk. i am so excited to be surrounded by so much life!

summer is coming to a close and i force myself to wear dresses or hold off on putting a sweater on at dusk. i revel in the long days and am doing the most to stay present and enjoy what i have left of summer. in the meantime, i frolic.

tender scrawls
on love

(1 January 2002)
I gave you my heart
And you took it.
If we shall part,
Please do not discard it.
Because even if we are not
Together
Because we did not last
Forever,
I would still give you my love.