do you believe in love

rule #5: when you ask me "why," i get defensive.

i'm ready to dance and get this first performance out of the way. our students are almost there. but not quite.

another lovely horoscope for me: "You might try to keep an even keel in the realm of relationships now, but your sexual drive can pull you into deeper emotional waters. Any intimate encounter will take on unexpected intensity, for you are more likely to express your passions. The challenge will be for you to let the feelings flow, instead of trying to control them." haha.

last night was a long night of fun partying. i'm glad rafi hasn't left us for good. good old fraternity.

and the promise that it gives?

tomorrow i'll be gone

these horoscopes are so good for me: "If you lose your grip on external reality -- or even if you let go willingly -- it can be difficult to find your way back into the real world. But hold on too tightly and you can rob yourself of the richness that could come from flowing with your intuitive feelings. Walk in both worlds while seeking a happy medium."

so i had a nice weekend. i spent time with my mama again. i haven't done that for a long time. i don't think we've liked each other for a while. but we went on some errands and i'm trying to figure out if i still want to donate my hair or not. i kinda like it longer. but i would like to do some red highlights again. also, i tried to go to a thrift store to figure out a costume for halloween.

>> my mom heard that i was playing vb again and asked me how it was. i thought it was really sweet because i think she knew how much it meant to me.

sunday, i went shopping with my mama again, and then she went to spend some time with my dad and i went shopping by myself. yay. it's good for me to do things on my own. but i spent too much. hehe. argh. meow. then i went to cha for the first time in a few weeks. and it was cool. good music as usual. the curry chicken is good. then i spent some time with mindy, chilling and talking and figuring out computer stuff.

i'm just trying to figure everything out amidst keeping myself too busy for my own health. speaking of which, i have to go to sleep now.

take care.

what goes around comes around

here's a snippet of my horoscope: "You might even expect [your closest loved ones], on some level, to compensate for your shortcomings. If you can forgive yourself for being human, then others will have a better chance of living up to your high expectations."

yesterday, r and i returned to program and four my sutdents "needed to talk." i felt like i was seeing clients one after the other. interesting.

last night, i went out for a going away party. el torito has a nice happy hour. and while there, i was quite happy! =) it was cool talking with everyone and hanging out with brint before he goes off to grad school at ucla. then mel came with niki and all the girls were chatting away while the boys played pool at d&bs. but d&bs wasn't as happy. kels is a riot! rafi is a funny drunk! can't wait to meet this m kid.

tonight -- lisa!

i may not always love you but long as there are stars above you

i can feel the seasons changing. my moods are up and down like a long series of arrows, even rearing their ugly heads at work where i am usually good at holding my feelings in because i am so busy i can't feel. but this week has been entirely impossible for me not to walk over to the tissue box to wipe away tears or walk outside to recollect my thoughts. another reason why i know it will soon be fall is because i can't find anything to wear these days, a sure indicator that my groove has been upset because of temperature changes.

in other news, i started playing volleyball with my friends from work this week. and i'm still a bit sore in the quads. with so much time away from the courts, i could not set and i could not get a good pass in. it always went over the net. doh! but it was still fun. the net was lower than the net at the beach during labor day weekend. so for that i was grateful. and it was great having 7 people come out to play.

rhode island? yeah, that waaas fantastic! and if you heard what i did, it wouldn't sound too exciting. but it was because of the bff! seriously. she is the bestest: zee, you are the bestest bff ever! =D how'd those songs work out for you? and the days may be lackluster because i'm going through withdrawal. and refacing reality.

the students are all drama right now. [sigh] that takes a toll on me. i'm worried for them. and i have a feeling this is how my mom always feels for me. i wish i didn't look like i was sad or unhappy; i most definately don't tell her what's wrong.

last night, after an unhappy hour, we went to the gypsy den where this powerful and moving discussion took place. i wanted to set out to plan amazing programs and to help push my students to consider higher education. it was refreshing to discuss what we could do and not just what is wrong. i hate immobility due to frustration. i hope the momentum does not die.

a few of the staff are leaving at the end of the month, and i am quite sad. i know it will be exciting and helpful for them to move on, but i can't help but focus on what it will be like without them. and how i miss them already.

my brother is coming down from the bay tonight. and we'll be hanging out this weekend. i hope i keep busy and stop looking glum. i don't want to put a damper on the festivities.

oh! and i found new fonts that are fun and cute.

you'll never need to doubt it; i'll make you so sure about it

the trip to rhode island was fantastic! mostly because of the bff. secondly, 'cause i felt like i was in college, minus the studying bit. thirdly, because we got lucky on sunday!

right now, i'm too tired to go into detail. i played volleyball so hard tonight that i have a migraine that needs sleeping.

i bid you all adieu.

rule #5: i don't do well with cold turkey.

dude, i've been quite the busy. i have not had a free night since...i can't even remember. last monday, i had vietnamese food and gypsy den with the trifecta and andy and diana. tuesday, i had lucille's and drinks with the trifecta. wednesday i had dinner with sareth at daphne's. thursday i had el torito and went on a target run with the trifecta and andy and diana. friday i went to rafi's bbq. saturday i hung out with the mom and brother and had ice cream with mindy that evening. sunday, i went to the beach, as noted in the last blog. monday, i went to malibu with mitzi, mindy, lisa, and sheila. and that was filled with firsts: malibu, mitzi's house, 170, 178, ucla. yesterday, i saw josiah before he left for south africa. today, i had dinner with darling.

trying to pack for my trip to good old providence. i have to wait for my laundry to dry. and i'm trying to figure out what to bring. i have to choose outfits, not just random things usually. but i can't now. there is no time. sheesh!

bit of advice: be happier.

yeah. let's figure out that one!

i can't explain this feeling

so plans were foiled and foibled for this labor day weekend. but sunday, my friends and i got together and did what we said we would. we met up at hb and grabbed some lunch at wahoo's, after an ivy gave me a make-up retouch. then we set off to the sand, where we found a vb court and worked on hitting. i was too full to do any real moving. and the guys were having just as much trouble.

after some hydrating and resting, we hit the vb again. and then our other friend steph came along. during our meager little two-on-two game, another group asked if we wanted to do four-on-four, to which we obliged. good 2 games of 25, rally scoring. rafi and hong's serving really clenched it for us. =) then again, they were high school students.

so we were setting up to leave when steph wanted to go down to the beach. so armed with my trusty little sd200, we went down to take some model shots, some handstand shots, and some jumping shots. excellent little critters. check 'em out

after we all went home, cleaned up, and ate dinner, we met back up in hb at steph's place where we ate ice cream and kettle corn and watched "absolutely fabulous" and the second season of dave chappelle. after all that sun, i don't know how i'm going to the beach again.

please give me the strength to get through the day.

i think about it all the time

rule #4: i always prefer sitting around conversing with people than crazy "going-out" action.

'twas a crazy week. and hopefully a fun weekend ahead.

i am now "undercover chola" with the frat. oh yea, i'm in a frat now. but i was not hazed or degraded. =) nor were the new class.

went to rafi's bbq last night. and it was good times. a little bit of everything. a little bit of everyone. i got another "you remind me of..." from a newbie. she came up to me and said,"you are so sweet. you remind me of my best friend." that was an honor. it's always nice to be compared to someone as important as a bff. also, some of the kids last night told me that i had good music on my ipizzle. that made me feel good: people who like 90s hip-hop/rap and random alternative and pop and freestyle. another bit: dance and rap machine! hahaha.

have a great labor day weekend.