don't worry about it

same old stuff. nothing to report. except i'm watching "my so-called life" and there may be a staff hangout on friday.

have you ever noticed that double standards are usually reinforced by females?

we'll just one, two step

and we will, we will...

high school kids wear me out. my kids are wearing me out. i'm feigning interest in them, probably as they are doing to the activities we do. i'm still in a rut but i talked to my supervisor to get some ideas and to get rid of some anxieties. we'll see...

but it was fun dancing and singing with the group the young americans who comes in and teaches the students. i've been learning with the students, mostly to get them to see that the afterschool staff gets involved so maybe they should. but also, ive been doing it because i didn't in high school and college. and it's fun for me now. our opening act is a hip hop dance to ciara's "1,2 step." and yesterday, the girls learned a dance to "sing sing." another reason i may like it is i get to interact with people who are more my age (the young americans range from 16 - 21) and people who i can have conversations with. i don't always get that with my own program.

what else...summer weather finally left and the showers were falling on my car as i drove home from work a few minutes ago. yay, i've been waiting for some cool or cold. i can't wait to wear my rainboots again.

should i go work out? it would be the first time i've gone more than once a week in a few months. [sigh]

watching the 2nd harry potter last night made me want to read the 6th book. but i want to finish "best friends" first cause i miss my bff. then i'll do the 6th book. then i'll finish "million little pieces."

rock you

he never forgets that this is my favorite flower. :D

i guess this blog is in wont of some writing. so here i am.

is it me or are most people lonely? is it because of the time of year? is it because of the fact that in the end, all we have is ourselves? there's this vietnamese song and it showed up in my horoscope for my chinese astrology:

"most of the time, having love is like not having love at all."

in other words, sometimes you can be in a relationship and feel as if you aren't in one. so you feel lonely even though you're "with someone." [sigh] that's my rant. i'm done with that for now.

in other news, work is going. i feel frustrated still. and we had our first day of defiant students turning against us and getting mad at us for enforcing rules. and it feels bad. i felt like a parent. but i'm not there to be their friends and let things slide. i'm there to give them support and guidance. maybe help them figure out a thing or two.

bah, this whole thing has got me in a bad mood. even the carne asada fries didn't taste as good today. =/ oh well, i'm not working; i'm not going to let it bother me.

so i was watching the end of "ice princess" and i wanted to cry for some reason when she and her mom had a falling out. i think my hormones are getting a little crazy right about now. uh-oh, i better go hibernate.

although most of the critics didn't like this dress for the green part, i thought it looked great on her! =)

i just like him as an artist so i included this picture. =)

my favorite of the night. one, i love the artist. two, the dress is amazing. and i like how the makeup is simple to balance out the detail of the dress. =)

very elegant, and although conservative, still beautiful in flowing white. =)

um, i just didn't like it. =(

i think she's just beautiful. =)

she dreams of genie? =I

because of you i never stray too far from the sidewalk

ill post later. but for now, i must sleep

because of you i learned to play on the safe side so i don't get hurt

eeew

anaheim hills fire a blazin' in my backyard

girl, why you dat right thurr, she so bad

recap...

we had a staff meeting this morning between the sites that play basketball together. and most of the subject matter had to do with our students and their drama. so basically, we were sitting around gossiping but for a purpose: to know what's going on in our students' lives so that it may explain how they are behaving.

so we went to sports and because of the fire in anaheim hills, we couldn't play because of the strong smell of burntness and the ashes falling from everywhere. so we left and i had to send my students home. however, on the busride home, they were asking me some questions about me and not acting like jerks the entire time with their 'cher mom' antics and cussing in different languages. perhaps it was because there were only two of them and/or my male partner wasn't around. but it was nice. almost as nice as the conversation i had with another student on a bus ride to sports a couple of weeks back.

and, as planned, i returned death cab's cd. but i ended up finding a cd i've been hoping would go on sale: mjb's "the breakthrough." yay! so happy! so now, i may just have to return alicia keys. hehe, but if i'll regret not buying it for cheap, i may have to keep it...

anywho, does anhyone have the vibe's 10 year photo book? if so, i'd love to borrow it!

im constantly getting calls from da mayorrrr

what the heck's cricket?

look him straight in the eyes and tell him

interesting start to the week...

didn't want to get out of bed or wake up

was late for work

spent too long dusting off ashes from my car

had a new student stay after

had a visit from a boss

was reprimanded for wearing sandals by said boss

i plan to...

work out because i'm tired of feeling so bummy (hopefully past tonight)

go to a small staff meeting tomorrow morning before sports

i want to...

eat ice cream this week

hang out with an old friend

stop being paranoid

not eat a meal at a restaurant until sunday.

i'm currently...

tired

sleepy

thirsty

weary

frustrated about work

hopeful that things will get better

i...

learned how to play the piano part of "be without you" by mjb

bought 3 CDs on sunday

am trying out a new pillow...again!

started watching my buffy dvds.

we've been too strong for too long

baby, i can be in your heart

this week has been slow and long. all i had to keep me going was my friday night "book club" with my coworkers. so when my students left at 430 this afternoon, my fatigue faded into excitement as i wondered what the night would bring.

after getting kicked out of the bar at el torrito, i regained composure to enjoy a nice dinner with my fellow coworkers and bosses (along with one of the boss's husbands). it was cool just chatting and asking questions. then, after the bosses left and one of our foot soldiers too, we meandered on over to d&b to shoot hoops, greet zerl, race cars, shoot dead things, and shoot more hoops. one of the remaining foot solider left and then we had a break. so i walked with zerl to her car and said "tata for now." i came back in and all the remaining coworkers asked me, "she just came out for 30 minutes to play games and leave?" i told them she had to get home. then one of the girls said to me, "you're really gonna miss her, huh?" haha, the bff! then, the remaining 4 went over to starbucks to discuss here and there with a lot of talk of work in between. then the remaining male soldier had to head to irvine. so we ended our night and said "see ya later."

so why did this evening not include books or reading? muhahhaa...

so many things i wanna tell you

i'm feeling better tonight because of good friends, good food, and nice pillows.

where do you go

this morning i couldn't fall back asleep. i felt sad. so i got up and sat at my computer. here i am, still feeling yucky and wondering what i have to do to make myself feel better. i just want to cry, but i'm trying to tell myself that it's not going to do anything. except make me feel.

after the tears dry and the puffy eyes stop swelling, i'm still left with this feeling of dissatisfaction.

yeah, this post wasn't happy. but they can't all be. it's life. the waves swell and the waves crash down.

my love?